§. 23. Of husbands and wiues care to win one the other, when one of them is not called. to §. 32. Of husbands and wiues preuenting each others diſcredit.

§. 23. Of husbands and wiues care to win one the other, when one of them is not called.

That the ſaluation of the ſoule may be the better effected, reſpect muſt be had to the preſent and particular eſtate of huſband or wife. If one be a beleeuer the other not, the beleeuer muſt vſe all the meanes that may be, to draw on the other alſo to beleeue. If both be beleeuers, their mutuall care muſt be to [gap]edifie one another in thier moſt holy faith.

For the firſt, it is the maine drift of S. Peters exhortation to beleeuing wiues, about their conuerſation, to draw on their vnbeleeuing husbands to the true faith. His phraſe (that they

may be wonne or gained) as in generall it hath reſpect to their ſoules ſaluation, ſo in particular to their firſt conuerſion. Now if this dutie appertaine to a wife, much more to an husband, who is appointed an head to his wife, and a Saniour. To this end doth S. Paul aduiſe beleeuing husbands and wiues that are maried to vnbeleeuers, to dwell with them.

For what a wofull thing is it, that two which in this world are ſo neerely linked together as to make one fleſh, ſhould in the world to come be ſo farre ſeparated one from another, as heauen is from hell. This indeed ſhall ſo fall out in many: for Chriſt hath expreſly foretold it, that of two that were in one [gap]ed together (who are more fitly ſet forth vnder this phraſe then man and wife, who moſt vſually are ſtiled bedfellowes?) [gap]ne ſhall be taken (to mercy and glory) the other ſhall be for ſaken or left to endleſſe and eaſeleſſe torture and torment.) But though it be foretold that thus it ſhall fall out with many a [gap]ouple, yet our care muſt be, and that with our vttermoſt power, to preuent it, as in our ſelues, ſo in our bedfellow.

If it pleaſe the Lord to giue ſuch a bleſſing to the endeuour

of an husband or wife, as to be a meanes of the conuerſion of their bedfellow, then will the partie conuerted both intirely loue the other, and alſo heartily bleſſe God (as there is iuſt cauſe) that euer they were ſo neerely linked together.

This dutie of winning one another, is to be applied to ſuch as are maried not only to plaine infidels, but alſo to Papiſts or other like Idolaters, to Atheiſts, or any other profane perſons, to heretiques, ſeparatiſts, ſchiſmatiques, or any that beleeue not aright.

§. 24. Of husbands and wiues edifying one another.

The ſecond dutie tending to the ſoules ſaluation is, that two beleeuers being maried together, they endeuour mutually to build vp one another more and more. One Chriſtian oweth this dutie to another: much more man and wife. Take heed (ſaith the Apoſtle) that no man fall away from the grace of God. If no man, then nor wife nor husband.

A ſpirituall edifying of one another is the beſt vſe which we can make (and ought to make) of thoſe ioynts and bonds whereby we are knit one to another. By vertue of them the body (namely the myſticall body of Chriſt) receiueth increaſe to the edifying of it ſelfe, and increaſeth with the increaſe of God. Now the bond of mariage being of all other the firmeſt, and that whereby we are neereſt knit together, by vertue of what bond ſhould we edifie one another, if not by vertue of the mariage bond?

§. 25. Of husbands and wiues hindering ſinne one in another.

Two things are requiſite vnto ſpirituall edification.

One reſpecteth the hinderances of growth in grace.

The other the helpes thereof.

The hinderances of grace are all manner of ſinnes. Sinne to grace is as water to fire: it ſlaketh the heat of it, and if without hoe it be powred on it, it will cleane put it out. In regard hereof there ought to be a mutuall care in husbands and wiues, both to preuent ſinne before it be committed, and alſo to make what redreſſe they can after it is committed.

That it is a mutuall dutie for husbands and wiues ſo much as they can, to preuent ſinne one in another is euident, by that reaſon which the Apoſtle vſeth, to keepe them from defrauding

one another, in theſe words, that Satan tempt you not. For out of the ſcope and matter of thoſe words, this generall doctrine may be gathered, Husbands and wiues ought to be carefull to keepe one another from the temptations of Satan, that is, from ſinne, whereunto all his temptations tend. Rebekah performed the dutie of a good wife in keeping Iſaak from bleſſing Eſau: which if he had done, he had ſinned againſt Gods expreſſe word. Though ſhe failed in the manner of doing it, yet her end was good.

As that loue they owe one to another, ſo that care which they ought to haue of themſelues requireth as much, for ſinne prouoketh Gods wrath, his wrath ſendeth downe vengeance, that vengeance which falleth on the husband can hardly miſſe the wife, or that the husband, which falleth on the wife; and that by reaſon of their neere vnion: though it fall not on both their pates, yet it cannot but much affect, and euen afflict the partie that eſcapeth. The wiues of thoſe rebells who were ſwallowed vp quicke in the wilderneſſe, periſhed in like manner with their husbands. For they who are ſo neere as husbands and wiues, and doe not what they can to preuent one anothers ſinnes, make themſelues acceſſary thereto.

For the better effecting of this dutie, husbands and wiues muſt be watchfull ouer one another, and obſerue what ſinnes either of them are giuen vnto, or what occaſions are offered to draw either of them into ſinne. If either of them be cholericke or prone to be angry on a ſudden, the other muſt endeuour to take away all occaſions of offence: and if both ſhould be teſtie and haſtie to wrath, when the one ſeeth the other firſt moued, the partie whoſe paſſion is not yet ſtirred, ought the rather to be ſetled and compoſed to all meekneſſe and patience, leſt, if both together be prouoked, the whole houſhold be ſet on fire. If either of them be giuen to drunkenneſſe, couetouſneſſe, or any other ſinne, the other ought by wiſe and gentle perſwaſions to keepe them (as much as they can) from thoſe ſinnes. Yea they may alſo get others, that are diſcreet and able, to diſſwade them: or vſe what other good meanes they can to that purpoſe.

§. 26. Of husbands and wiues redreſſing ſinne in one another.

When either husband or wife is fallen into any ſinne, a mutuall dutie it is for the other, to vſe what redreſſe may be of that ſinne: as if one of them were wounded, the other muſt take care for the healing of that wound. Abigail performed her dutie in this kinde, when, after ſhe had heard what churliſh entertainment her husband gaue to Dauids ſeruants, ſhe haſtened to carry ſtore of prouiſion to Dauid, and humbled her ſelfe before him, and ſo moued Dauid to aſſwage his wrath: yea ſhe tooke a ſeaſonable time alſo to tell her husband his fault, and the danger whereinto he brought himſelfe thereby.

More directly, and with better ſucceſſe did Iaakob redreſſe the ſuperſtition, or rather Idolatrie of his wife Rachel, as may

be gathered by comparing

Gen. 31. 19, 34

Gen. 35. 2, 4.

A brother at large muſt not ſuffer ſinne to lie on his brother: much leſſe may husband or wife the one vpon the other.

Thou ſhalt not hate thy brother (ſaith the law) and ſuffer

ſinne to lie on him. To doe this then is a token and fruit of hatred. If an husband ſhould ſee his wife, or a wife her husband lying in the fire, or water, ready to be burnt or drowned, and not afford their beſt helpe to pull them out, might they not iuſtly be thought to hate them? But ſinne is as fire and water, which will burne and drowne men in perdition.

This dutie may be performed by meeke inſtructions, pithy perſwaſions, gentle reproofes: yea, and by the helpe of ſome good Miniſter, or other diſcreet and faithfull friend.

§. 27. Of husbands and wiues helping forward the growth of grace in each other.

Hitherto of preuenting, and redreſſing hinderances of grace. Hereunto muſt be added an helping forward of the growth thereof: which man and wife muſt mutually endeuour to effect one in another. The care which Elkanah had to carry his wiues along with himſelfe vnto the Tabernacle of the Lord yeere by yeere, ſheweth that his deſire was to vphold them in the feare of God: yea the gifts and portions, which at that time he vſed to beſtow on them, implie the care that he had to

encourage them to hold on in ſeruing the Lord. It was without queſtion the maine end which the Shunamite aimed at in prouiding lodging for the Prophet, that both ſhe and her huſband might be built vp in Grace.

This duty may be the better effected by theſe means following.

1. By taking notice of the beginning, and leaſt meaſure of Grace: and approuing the ſame.

2. By frequent conference about ſuch things as concerne the ſame: mutually propounding queſtions one to another thereabouts, and anſwering the ſame.

3. By their mutuall practiſe and example: making themſelues each to other a patterne of pietie.

4. By performing exerciſes of religion, as praying, ſinging pſalmes, reading the word, and the like together.

5. By maintaining holy and religious exerciſes in the familie. Though this dutie eſpecially appertaine to the husband, yet the wife muſt put her husband in minde thereof, if he forget it; and ſtirre him vp, if he be backward: Thus did the good Shunamite, 2 King. 4. 9, 10. No mans perſwaſion in this kinde, can ſo much preuaile with a man as his wiues.

6. By ſtirring vp one another to goe to the houſe of God, to heare the word, partake of the Sacrament, and conſcionably performe all the parts of Gods publike worſhip.

Great need there is, that husbands and wiues ſhould endeuour to helpe forward the growth of grace in each other, becauſe we are all ſo prone to fall away and wax cold, euen as water if the fire goe out, and more fewell be not put vnder. And of all other, husbands and wiues may be moſt helpfull herein, becauſe they can ſooneſt eſpie the beginning of decay by reaſon of their neere, and continuall familiaritie together.

§. 28. Of the ſinnes of husbands and wiues contrary to a mutuall care of one anothers ſaluation.

The vices contrary to that generall mutuall dutie of huſbands and wiues in procuring the Saluation of one another, and to the particular branches compriſed vnder it, are many: As

1. A careleſſe neglect thereof: when as husbands and wiues ſo minde earthly things, as they thinke it enough if they be prouident one for another in the things of this life. Hereof

moſt that liue in this earth are guiltie: and among others, euen many of them who haue the name of very good and kinde husbands and wiues. But whatſoeuer the opinion of others be of them, the truth is, that if they faile in this point, they goe no further then the very heathen haue done, and their kindneſſe may be as the apes kindneſſe, which cauſeth death.

2. The vnworthy walking, and vnchriſtian cariage of a beleeuer

that is maried to one that beleeueth not: hereby the vnbeleeuer is kept off from embracing the Goſpell, and made the more to diſlike and deteſt it. If a popiſh or profane husband be maried to a wife that maketh profeſſion of the truth of the Goſpell, and ſhe be ſtout, proud, wanton, waſpiſh, waſtefull, or giuen to any other like vices, will he not be ready thereupon to inueigh againſt the religion ſhe profeſſeth, and vtterly proteſt againſt it? So alſo a popiſh or profane wife, if ſhe be maried to ſuch an husband.

3. Negligence in obſeruing one anothers diſpoſition or conuerſation: whereby it commeth to paſſe that they keepe not backe, nor reſtraine one another from running into any ſinne: but proue ſuch husbands and wiues one to another as Eli proued a father to his ſonnes: whence it fell out, that Gods ſeuere vengeance fell vpon the necke of the one, and of the other. Pilats wife though an heatheniſh woman, ſhall riſe vp in iudgement againſt many ſuch wiues, for ſhe did what ſhe could to keepe her husband from ſhedding innocent bloud.

4. Acomplement all ſoothing of one anothers humour, and ſeeking mutually to pleaſe one another in all things, without reſpect of good or euill. Such as theſe the Scripture termeth men-pleaſers. Hence it commeth to paſſe that husbands and wiues are ſo farre from drawing one another from ſinne, that the better rather yeelds vnto the worſe, and both runne into euill, as Adam was perſwaded by his wife to tranſgreſſe againſt Gods expreſſe charge: and wiſe Salomon was drawne by his wiues vnto Idolatrie, 1 King. 11. 4. and Sapphira conſented to the ſacriledge of Ananias her husband, Act. 5. 2.

5. An vndue feare of offending one another by Chriſtian inſtruction, admonition, reproofe, and the like. Many who are oft

moued in conſcience to make knowne to their husbands and wiues the ſinnes wherein they liue, and the danger wherein they lie by reaſon thereof, doe notwithſtanding through careleſſe and cauſeleſſe feare, refraine and forbeare to doe ſo.

6. An impious, and enuious diſpoſition, whereby many huſbands and wiues are moued to mocke, and ſcoffe at that holy zeale, and forwardneſſe which they obſerue in their bedfellowes: as Michal who reſembled Dauid to a foole, or vaine-fellow, becauſe he manifeſted his zeale by dancing before the Arke. Thus doe many nip the worke of the ſpirit in the very bud, and cauſe grace ſoone to wither. But curſed be that husband, or wife, that thus peruerteth the maine end of their neere coniunction.

§. 29. Of husbands and wiues mutuall care ouer one anothers body.

After the good of the ſoule followeth the good of the body, wherein husband and wife muſt ſhew their prouident care each ouer other: and doe what lieth in them to procure the well-fare of one anothers perſon, and to nouriſh and cheriſh one anothers body. This dutie the Apoſtle layeth down vnder the compariſon of a body which he calleth fleſh, ſaying, No man hateth his owne fleſh, but nouriſheth and cheriſheth it: now man and wife are one fleſh. This dutie the Apoſtle in particular applieth to husbands. At the firſt inſtitution of mariage it was in particular applied to the wife, whom God made to be an helpe meet for man: ſo as it is a mutuall dutie appertaining to both. It ſeemeth that Rebecha was ſo carefull of Iſaak in this reſpect, that ſhe could readily make ſauory meat for him, ſuch as he loued.

This dutie extendeth it ſelfe to all eſtates both of proſperity and aduerſity, of health and ſickneſſe: for ſo much doe they mutually couenant and promiſe when they are firſt ioyned together in mariage, I take thee (ſaith each to other) for better for worſe, for richer for poorer, in ſickneſſe and in health to loue and to cheriſh. Wherefore they ought mutually both to reioyce in the well-fare of one another, and alſo in all diſtreſſe to ſuccour and comfort each other, putting their ſhoulders vnder one anothers burden, and helping to eaſe one another

as much as they can. That which Salomon ſaid of a friend and a brother, may fitly be applied in this caſe to husband and wife, a friend loueth at all times, and a brother is borne for aduerſity, that is, a truſty and faithfull friend is conſtant in his goodwill, and ready to performe all duties, of kindneſſe at any time, whether it be proſperity or aduerſity: the change of outward eſtate maketh no alteration in his louing affection and friendly cariage: yea he ſeemeth to be as it were borne and brought forth againſt the time of trouble and affliction, becauſe then is his prouident care and tender affection moſt manifeſted. Of all friends none ought to be more carefull, none more faithfull one to another then man and wife. How then ought they to loue at all times, and if any triall come to either of them, the other ſo to carrie himſelfe, as it may be truly ſaid they were ioyned together for aduerſity?

Thus ſhall they verifie the truth of that whereby God was moued to creare of mankinde male, and female, namely that it was not good for man to be alone, but that it was rather good, that is, needfull, profitable, and comfortable for man and woman to be together. In which reſpect the wiſe-man ſaith, he that findeth a wife findeth a good thing; and by the rule of relation we may inferre, ſhe that findeth an husband findeth a good thing.

§. 30. Of husbands and wiues backwandneſſe to helpe one another in time of need.

Contrary to this duty is a certaine vnnaturall affection in ſundry husbands and wiues, who much grudge to prouide the things that are needfull for one another. The man commonly thinkes the charge too great, the woman thinkes the paines too much: they are affected one to another as if they were meere ſtrangers: nay many ſtrangers will be more ready to performe, and more cheerefull in performing needfull duties (as occaſion is offered) then ſuch vnnaturall husbands and wiues. If a little ſickneſſe, or other like croſſe fall on one of them, the other thinkes, neuer any had ſuch a burden; and by their diſcontent make the burden much more heauy then otherwiſe it would be: euen as when two oxen are in one yoke, and the one holdeth backe, the draught is made much

harder to the other. Thus doe they peruert one of the principall ends of mariage, which is to be a continuall comfort and helpe each to other, and to eaſe the burdens of one another: in which reſpect they are made yoke-fellowes. Iobs wife by her vnnaturall cariage towards him in his affliction did much aggrauate his miſery: when he ſtood in moſt need of her helpe, ſhe afforded leaſt vnto him: it appeares by Iobs complaint of her, in theſe words, my breath is ſtrange to

my wife, that ſhe altogether neglected him in his miſery. The common ſpeech of many after their husband or wife hauing long lien ſicke is departed, bewrayeth their vnnaturall affection: their ſpeech is this, if my husband (or wife) had died ſo much ſooner I had ſaued ſo much mony. What doth this intimate but that they could haue beene contented their husband (or wife) ſhould haue died ſooner that they might haue ſpared the more.

§. 31. Of Husbands and Wiues mutuall reſpect of one anothers good name.

The prouident care of husbands and wiues ought further to extend it ſelfe to the credit and good name of one another. As deare ought the good name of the wife be vnto the huſband, and of the husband to the wife, as their owne. The great regard that Ioſeph had of the credit of Marie his eſpouſed wife, made him thinke of putting her away priuily when [gap]e obſerued her to be with childe and knew not of whom: [gap]or he was not willing to make her a publike example. The [gap]ame reſpect moued Bethſheba to ſend ſecretly to Dauid, and [gap]ell him that ſhe was with childe. The commendation which he good husband ( noted by Salomon) giueth of his wife being approued by the holy Ghoſt, ſheweth how man and wife [gap]aght in that reſpect to honour each other: and that on good [gap]ounds. For

1. A good name is a moſt pretious thing: better then pre [gap]ious ointment, which giueth a ſweet ſauour, and to be choſen [gap]oue great riches.

2. So neerely are husbands and wiues ioyned together, the good name of the one cannot but tend to the honour

and credit of the other; ſo that herein they ſeeke their owne honour alſo.

§. 32. Of husbands and wiues preuenting each others diſcredit.

For direction herein, conſider we how this dutie may be performed, and how it may be manifeſted.

For the better performing of it, care muſt be had both to preuent and redreſſe an ill name, and alſo to procure and preſerue a goodname.

To preuent an ill name reſpect muſt be had of theſe three things following,

• 1. What one relateth of another, and how.

• 2. What eare they giue to things related by others.

• 3. What cenſure they giue of one another.

For the firſt, husbands and wiues may in no caſe delight to diſcouer vnto others, and ſpread abroad the infirmities, and imperfections of one another, or any thing that may tend to the diſcredit of either of them: but rather couer and conceale them as much as they may with a good conſcience. It is expreſſed that Ioſeph being a iuſt man laboured to conceale that blemiſh which he imagined to be in his wife, ſo as this may ſtand with iuſtice: yea alſo it is a part of Ioue, for loue couereth a multitude of ſinnes.

For the ſecond, husbands and wiues muſt not haue their eares wide opened to heare euery tale and report that ſhall be brought to one againſt the other, but rather ſhew themſelues diſpleaſed and offended with them that are ready to relate things of euill report. If an husband or wife manifeſt a willingneſſe to hearken after tales and reports of one another, the deuill will ſtirre vp inſtruments enow to fill their heads with tales, and thoſe for the moſt part both friuolous and forged: not only ſtrangers, but children, ſeruants, and they which are of the ſame family will euer be telling ſome tale or other, to currie fauour, as we ſpeake. But an vtter diſlike of ſuch flattering tale-bearers, will take away occaſion from them of telling vntrue, or ſlight reports.

For the third, the iudgement and cenſure which husbands and wiues giue one of another muſt either be very charitable,

or verie ſparing. If one heare reported any notorious crime of the other, they may not be ouer-headie or haſtie to iudge and condemne, no though they thinke they ſee ſome euidence thereof, but rather ſuſpend their iudgement. This ſeemeth to be the minde of Ioſeph: though he obſerued Marie to be with childe, yet would he not preſently iudge her to be a notorious adultereſſe, or condemne her for an hypocrite, vnworthie to liue, and therefore would not make her a publike example.

In briefe, that husbands and wiues may be the more ſparing in cenſuring one another, they muſt not raſhly beleeue any euill report of one another, but rather ſuppreſſe all light ſuſpitions as much as they can.

That the iudgement which they giue one of another, may be charitable, in iudging they muſt well obſerue the properties of loue, which are 1. To interpret doubtfull things in the better part. 2. To mitigate, ſo farre as truth and iuſtice will ſuffer, the faults which are euident. Michal offended againſt the firſt in an high degree, and was curſed. Abigail obſerued the latter, and was bleſſed.