§. 7. Of a wiues

inward feare of her husband. to §. 15. Of wiues

meekneſſe in their ſpeeches.

§. 7. Of a wiues

inward feare of her husband.

Hitherto of a wiues acknowledgement of her husbands ſuperioritie. It followeth to ſpeake of that anſwerable reſpect which ſhe ought to beare towards him.

A wiue-like reſpect of her huſband conſiſteth in two points: 1. Reuerence.

2. Obedience.

The reuerence which ſhe oweth to him is

1. Inward.

2. Outward.

Inward reuerence is an awfull reſpect which a wife in her heart hath of her husband, eſteeming him worthy of all honour for his place, and office ſake, becauſe he is her husband. Doubtleſſe Sarah had in her heart a reuerend reſpect and honourable eſteeme of her husband, when being alone, and thinking of him in her very thought ſhe gaue him this title Lord. This inward reuerence the Scripture compriſeth vnder this word Feare: as where our Apoſtle ſaith, Let the wife ſee that ſhe feare her husband: and where S. Peter exhorteth wiues to haue their conuerſation in Feare. It is no ſlauiſh feare of her husband which ought to poſſeſſe the heart of a wife, dreading blowes, frownes, ſpightfull words, or the like; but ſuch an awfull reſpect of him as maketh her (to vſe the Apoſtles word) care how ſhe may pleaſe him. This wiue-like Feare is manifeſted

by two effects: one is Ioy, when ſhe giueth contentment to her husband, and obſerueth him to be pleaſed with that which ſhe doth: the other is griefe, when he is iuſtly offended and grieued, eſpecially with any thing that ſhe her ſelfe hath done.

Vnleſſe this inward reuerence and due reſpect of an huſband be firſt placed in the heart of a wife, either no outward reuerence and obedience will be performed at all, or if it be performed, it will be very vnſound, only in ſhew, hypocriticall and deceitfull: ſo that as good neuer a whit as neuer the better. For according to ones inward affection and diſpoſition will the outward action and conuerſation be framed. Michal firſt deſpiſed Dauid in her heart, and thence it followed that ſhe vtteredmoſt vnreuerend and vile ſpeeches of him, euen to his face. Wherefore after the iudgement of a wife is rightly informed of an husbands ſuperioritie, and her will perſwaded to account her owne husband her head and guide, it is very needfull that her heart and affection be accordingly ſeaſoned with the ſalt of good reſpect, and high eſteeme, which breedeth feare: and that thus her heart may be ſeaſoned, ſhe ought oft and ſeriouſly to meditate of his place and office, and of that honour which the Lord by vertue thereof hath planted in him. And if he haue gifts worthie his place, as knowledge, wiſdome, pietie, temperance, loue, and the like, ſhe ought to take notice thereof, and to thinke him worthie of double honour.

§. 8. Of a wiues baſe eſteeme of her husband.

Contrary to this inward reuerence of the heart is a baſe and wile eſteeme which many haue of their husbands, thinking no better of them then of other men; nay worſe then of others; deſpiſing their husbands in their heart, like Michal, of whom we heard before. This, as it is in it ſelfe a vile vice, ſo is [gap]t a cauſe of many other vices, as of preſumption, rebellion, yea and of adultery it ſelfe many times: and it is alſo a maine hinderance of all dutie.

It commonly riſeth either from ſelfe-conceit (whereby wiues ouerweene their owne gifts, thinking them ſo excellent is they need no guide or head, but are rather fit to guide and

rule both their husband and all the houſhold: of which proud and preſumptuous ſpirit Iezabel ſeemeth to be, who with an audacious and impudent face ſaid to Ahab her husband, Doſt thou now gouerne the kingdome of Iſrael? Up, I will giue thee the vineyard of Naboth. So alſo all thoſe wiues which are noted to draw away their husbands hearts from the Lord, as the wiues of Salomon,

Iehoram, and others: which they learned of their great grandmother Euah:) or elſe from ſome infirmities of minde or body, or of life, which they behold in their husbands (whence it commeth to paſſe, that many husbands who are highly honoured and greatly accounted of by others, are much deſpiſed by their wiues, becauſe their wiues alwaies conuerſing with them are priuie to ſuch infirmities as are concealed from others:) or, which is worſt of all, from vniuſt ſurmizes and ſuſpicions, ſuſpecting many euill things of their husbands whereof they are no way guiltie, and miſinterpreting, and peruerting things well done, as Michal peruerted Dauids holy zeale.

For redreſſe of this enormous vice, wiues ought firſt in regard of themſelues to purge out of their hearts pride, and ſelfe-conceit, thinking humbly and lowly of themſelues, and that euen in regard of their ſex and the weakneſſe thereof: and if the Lord haue endued them with any gift aboue the ordinary ſort of women, to note well their owne infirmities, and to lay them by their eminent gifts: thus by looking on their blacke feet, their proud-peacock-feathers may be caſt downe. Yea alſo when they behold any infirmities in their husbands, they ought to reflect their eies on their owne infirmities, which it may be are euen as many and as grieuous, if not more in number, and more hainous in their nature and kinde: at leaſt let them conſider that they are ſubiect to the ſame, if God leaue them to the ſway of their owne corruption.

Secondly, wiues ought in regard of their husbands to ſurmize no euill whereof they haue not ſure proofe and euidence: but rather interpret euery thing in better part: and follow the rule of loue, which beareth all things, beleeueth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. If they note any defects of nature, and deformity of body, or any enormous and notorious vices

in their husband, then ought they to turne their eies and thoughts from his perſon to his place, and from his vicious qualities to his honourable office (which is to be an husband) and this will abate that vile eſteeme which otherwiſe might be occaſioned from the forenamed meanes.

§. 9. Of

wiue-like ſobriety.

A wiues outward reuerence towards her husband is a manifeſtation of her inward due reſpect of him. Now then ſeeing the intent of the heart, and inward diſpoſition cannot be diſcerned by man ſimply in it ſelfe, that the husband may know his wiues good affection towards him, it is behouefull that ſhe manifeſt the ſame by her outward reuerence.

A wiues outward reuerence conſiſteth in her reuerend

Geſture.

Speech.

For the firſt, that a reuerend geſture & carriage of her ſelfe to her husband, and in her husbands preſence, beſeemeth a wife, was of old implied by the vaile which the woman vſed to put on, when ſhe was brought vnto her husband, as is noted in the example of Rebekah: whereunto the Apoſtle alludeth in theſe words, the woman ought to haue power on her head. That couer on the womans head, as in generall it implied ſubiection, ſo in particular this kinde of ſubiection, viz. a reuerend carriage and geſture. But moſt expreſly is this dutie ſet downe by Saint Peter who exhorteth wiues to order their conuerſation before their husbands, ſo as it be pure, with reuerence.

This reuerend conuerſation conſiſteth in a wiue-like ſobrietie, mildneſſe, courteſie, and modeſtie.

By ſobriety I meane ſuch a comely, graue, and gratious carriage, as giueth euidence to the husband that his wife reſpecteth his place & the authority which God hath giuen him. Sobriety in generall is required of all women by reaſon of their ſexe; and ſurely it doth well become them all: but much more doth it become wiues: moſt of all, in their husbands preſence. The Apoſtle in particular enioyneth it to Deacons wiues, yet not ſo as proper vnto them, but in a further reſpect appertaining to them not only as wiues, but as the wiues of Deacons.

Contrary to this ſobriety is lightneſſe and wantonneſſe:

which vices in a wife, eſpecially before her husband, argueth little reſpect, if not a plaine contempt of him.

Obiect. Thus ſhall all delightfull familiarity betwixt huſband and wife be taken away.

Anſw. Though the forenamed ſobriety be oppoſed to lightneſſe and wantonneſſe, yet not to matrimoniall familiarity: which is ſo farre permitted to man and wife, as if any other man and woman ſhould ſo behaue themſelues one towards another as an husband and wife lawfully may, it might iuſtly be counted lightneſſe and ſinne: inſtance the example of Iſaak and Rebekah, who ſo ſported together, as Abimelech, knowing them to be ſuch as feared God, gathered by that ſporting that they were man and wife: for he thought that otherwiſe they would not haue beene ſo familiar together.

This familiarity argueth both liking and loue: and ſheweth that the man and wife delight in one anothers perſon. But the lightneſſe here condemned in a wife, is not ſo much a mutuall familiarity with her husband by his good liking, as a wanton dallying with others to his griefe and diſgrace.

§. 10. Of

wiue-like mildneſſe.

Mildneſſe in a wife hath reſpect alſo to the ordering of her countenance, geſture, and whole cariage before her husband, whereby ſhe manifeſteth a pleaſingneſſe to him, and a contentedneſſe and willingneſſe to be vnder him and ruled by him. Excellently is this ſet forth in the ſpouſe of Chriſt whoſe eies are ſaid to be as doues eies, her lips to drop as honie combs, and ſhe her ſelfe euery way pleaſant: whereupon it is noted that ſhe appeared to her husband as the bright morning, and that his heart was wounded with her. Aſſuredly the cleere skie is not more pleaſant in time of harueſt, then a milde and amiable countenance and carriage of a wife in her husbands preſence. And though her husband ſhould be of an harſh and cruell diſpoſition, yet by this means might he be made meeke and gentle. For the keepers of Lions are ſaid to bring them to ſome tameneſſe by handling them gently and ſpeaking to them fairely.

Contrary to this mildneſſe is a frowning brow, a lowring eie, a ſullen looke, a powting lip, a ſwelling face, a deriding

mouth, a ſcornefull caſt of the armes and hands, a diſdainfull turning of this ſide and that ſide of the body, and a fretfull flinging out of her husbands preſence: all which and other like contemptuous geſtures are as thicke clouds ouerſpreading the heauens in a Summers day, which make it very vncomfortable. They oft ſtirre vp much paſſion in the man, and bring much miſchiefe vpon the wife her ſelfe.

§. 11. Of

wiue-like courteſie and obeyſance.

Courteſie is that vertue whereby a wife taketh occaſion to teſtifie her acknowledgement of her husbands ſuperiority by ſome outward obeyſance to him. Rebekah, ſo ſoone as ſhe ſaw Iſaak, whom ſhe had taken for her husband, lighted from her Camell and came to him on foot, which was a kinde of obeyſance. This is not ſo to be taken as if no difference were to be made betwixt the carriage of a ſeruant, or childe, and a wife: or as if a wife ſhould bow at euery word that ſhe ſpeaketh to her husband. Though in the kinde and extent of many duties the ſame things are required of wiues which are required of children and ſeruants, becauſe God hath made them all inferiours, and exacted ſubiection of all: yet in the manner and meaſure of many duties there is great difference: as in this, the obeyſance of children and ſeruants ought to be more ſubmiſſiue, and more frequent. Yet becauſe God hath placed authority in the husband ouer his wife, ſhe is euery way to teſtifie her reuerend reſpect of her husband, and therefore at ſome times, on ſome occaſions (as when he is going on a iourney for a time from her, or when he returneth home againe, or when ſhe hath a ſolemne and great ſute to make vnto him, or when he offereth an eſpeciall and extraordinary fauour vnto her, or (as I haue obſerued ſuch wiues as know what beſeemeth their place, and are not aſhamed to manifeſt as much) when ſhe ſitteth downe or riſeth vp from table) to declare her reuerence by ſome obeyſance. This cannot but much worke on the heart of a good and kinde husband, and make him the more to reſpect his wife, when he beholdeth this euidence of her reſpect to him. Yea it cannot but be a good patterne to children and ſeruants, and a motiue to ſtirre them vp to yeeld all ſubmiſſiue obeyſance both to her husband and to her ſelfe.

For it may make them thus to reaſon with themſelues, ſhall we ſcorne or thinke much to yeeld that to our father or maſter which our mother or miſtreſſe thinketh not much to yeeld to her husband? ſhall-ſhe bow to him, and ſhall not we much more bow to her? Thus a wiues honouring of her husband by yeelding obeyſance to him, maketh both him and her ſelfe to be more honoured of others.

Contrarily minded are they, who not only altogether omit this dutie, but alſo gibe and ſcoffe at the very hearing thereof, ſaying, thus wiues ſhall be made no better then children or ſeruants. But though ſcornefull dames deride theſe outward euidences of their ſubiection, yet ſuch wiues as feare the Lord ought not to be hindered thereby from doing their dutie: for by ſuch euill examples they might be diſcouraged from euery good dutie. It is ſufficient that ſuch holy women as truſted in God ſo behaued themſelues. But for this particular, we know that equals ſcorne not vpon occaſions to performe this kinde of courteſie in making obeyſance one to another: how much leſſe ought wiues, who are their husbands inferiours?

§. 12. Of

wife-like modeſtie in apparell.

Modeſtie appertaining to a wife is much manifeſted in her apparell. S. Paul requireth this modeſtie in generall of all ſorts of women: but S. Peter preſſeth it in particular vpon wiues. For as it well beſeemeth all women, ſo wiues after a peculiar manner, namely, in attiring themſelues, to reſpect rather their husbands place and ſtate, then their owne birth and parentage, but much rather then their owne minde and humour. A wiues modeſtie therefore requireth that her apparell be neither for coſtlineſſe aboue her husbands abilitie, nor for curiouſneſſe vn beſeeming his calling. As a poore mans wife muſt not affect coſtly apparell, ſo neither Miniſters, graue Counſellours, ſage Magiſtrates, no nor conſcionable Profeſſours wiues, hunt after new faſhions, or in light and gariſh apparell attire themſelues. It is a token of great reuerence in a wife towards her husband, to haue an eye to his place and ſtate in her apparell.

On the contrarie, ſuch proud daines as muſt haue their

owne will in their attire, and thinke it nothing appertaineth to their husbands to order them therein, who care not what their husbands abilitie, or what his place and calling be, they ſhew little reſpect and reuerence to their husbands. Such are they, who are no whit moued with their husbands example: but though the mans apparell be plaine and graue, yet the wiues ſhall be coſtly and gariſh. Yea many there be that ſtand in ſome more awe of their husbands ſight, but ſhew little more reſpect vnto him, who haue their ſilken gownes, Beauer hats, and other like attire not agreeable to their place and ſtate, lie in the countrey, if they be of the citie; or in the citie, if they be of the countrey, in a friends houſe where their husbands ſhall not know it, and when their husbands are not with them, weare them, and paint their faces, lay out their haire, and in euerie thing follow the faſhion. What can they which behold this thinke, but that ſuch a wiues care is more to pleaſe other light vaine perſons, then her graue, diſcreet husband: or that her husband can nothing at all preuaile with her: which as it ſtaineth her owne credit, ſo it leaueth a blot of diſhonour euen vpon him. If the care of a wife were to giue euidence of the reuerence which ſhe beareth to her husband, his deſire and example would in this reſpect more preuaile with her, then the humour of her owne heart.

§. 13. Of a wiues

reuerend ſpeech to her husband.

As by geſture, ſo by ſpeech alſo, muſt a wiues reuerence be manifeſted: this muſt be anſwerable to that. For by words as well as by deeds, the affection of the heart is manifeſted, Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth ſpeaketh. A wiues reuerence is manifeſted by her ſpeech, both in her husbands preſence, and alſo in his abſence. For this end in his preſence her words muſt be few, reuerend and meeke. Firſt few: For the Apoſtle enioyneth ſilence to wiues in their husbands preſence, and inforceth that dutie with a ſtrong reaſon in theſe words: I permit not the woman to vſurpe authoritie ouer the man, but to be in ſilence: the inference of the latter clauſe vpon the former ſheweth that he ſpeaketh not only of a womans ſilence in the Church, but alſo of a wiues ſilence before her husband: which is further cleared by another like place, where the ſame Apoſtle

enioyneth wiues to learne of their husbands at home. The reaſon before mentioned for ſilence, on the one ſide implieth a reuerend ſubiection, as on the other ſide too much ſpeech implieth an vſurpation of authoritie.

Obiect. Then belike a wife muſt be alwayes mute before her husband.

Anſw. No ſuch matter: for ſilence in that place is not oppoſed to ſpeech, as if ſhe ſhould not ſpeake at all, but to loquacitie, to talkatiueneſſe, to ouer-much tatling: her husbands preſence muſt ſome what reſtraine her tongue, and ſo will her verie ſilence teſtifie a reuerend reſpect. Otherwiſe ſilence, as it is oppoſed to ſpeech, would imply ſtoutneſſe of ſtomacke, and ſtubbornneſſe of heart, which is an extreme contrarie to loquacitie. But the meane betwixt both, is for a wife to be ſparing in ſpeech, to expect a fit time and iuſt occaſion of ſpeech, to be willing to hearken to the word of knowledge comming out of her husbands mouth. This argueth reuerence. Elihu manifeſted thereuerend reſpect, which as a younger he bare to his elders, by for bearing to ſpeake while they had any thing to ſay. How much more ought wiues in regard both of their ſex and of their place?

Contrarie is their practiſe, who muſt and will haue all the prate. If their husbands haue begun to ſpeake, their ſlipperie tongues cannot expect and tarrie till he haue done: if (as verie haſtile and forward they are to ſpeake) they preuent not their husbands, they will ſurely take the tale out of his mouth before he haue done: Thus-they diſgrace themſelues, and diſhonour their husbands.

§. 14. Of the

titles which wiues giue their husbands.

As their words muſt be few, ſo thoſe few words muſt be reuerend and meeke: both which are alſo implied vnder the forenamed word ſilence: which in the originall ſignifieth alſo quietneſſe.

Reuerence hath reſpect to the titles whereby a wife nameth her husband. Meekneſſe to the manner of framing her ſpeech to him.

For the titles which a wife in ſpeaking to her husband, or naming him, giueth vnto him, they muſt be ſuch as ſignifie

ſuperioritie, and ſo ſauour of reuerence. Such are the titles wherewith husbands are named in the Scripture; they are titles of honour. Such alſo are the titles which the Church (who by our Apoſtle is made a patterne for wiues in all ſubiection) giueth to her Spouſe Chriſt Ieſus, as may be gathered out of the Song of ſongs. It is likely that Sarah did vſually giue this title Lord to her husband. For hauing occaſion to thinke of him, preſently this title Lord was in her heart: which would not ſo ſuddenly haue riſen vp, if ſhe had not ordinarily vſed it. According to the vſuall titles which we giue to any, doe we in our hearts name them, when we haue occaſion to thinke of them. Among all other titles the name husband, as it is the moſt vſuall, ſo it is the fitteſt and meeteſt title. It intimateth reuerence, and ſauoureth not of niceneſſe & ſingularitie, as theſe titles, Head, Guide, Maſter, Man, and the like doe: which though they be lawfull titles, becauſe the Scripture attributeth them to husbands, and they ſignifie ſuperioritie, yet becauſe they are vnuſuall and ſauour of ſingularitie, they are not ſo meet. Common vſe and practiſe hath made the addition of the husbands ſurname to this title Maſter, more meet.

Saint Peter by this argument proueth that Sarah obeyed Abraham, becauſe ſhe called him Lord.

Contrarie are thoſe compellations which argue equalitie or inferioritie rather then ſuperioritie, as Brother, Coſen, Friend, Man, &c. if a ſtranger be in preſence, how can he tell by this manner of compellation, that he whom thou ſpeakeſt vnto is thy husband? If he eſpie any matrimoniall familiaritie betwixt you, what can he iudge of it otherwiſe to be, lightneſſe and wantonneſſe? Remember the fearefull iſſue that had like to haue fallen out by reaſon of ſuch compellations giuen by Sarah and Rebekah to their husbands. Not vnlike to thoſe are ſuch as theſe, Sweet, Sweeting, Heart, Sweet-heart, Loue, Ioy, Deare, &c. and ſuch as theſe, Ducke, Chicke, Pigſnie, &c. and husbands Chriſtian names, as Iohn, Thomas, William, Henry, &c. which if they be contracted (as many vſe to contract them thus, Iack[gap], Tom, Will, Hall) they are much more vnſeemly: ſeruants are vſually ſo called.

But what may we ſay of thoſe titles giuen to an husband by

his wife, not ſeldome in paſſion, but vſually in ordinarie ſpeech, which are not fit to be giuen to the baſeſt men that be, as Grub, Rogue, and the like, which I am euen aſhamed to name, but that the ſins of women are to be caſt as dirt on their faces, that they may be the more aſhamed?

Obiect. Many of the forenamed titles are titles of amitie and familiaritie.

Anſw. Subiection is that marke which wiues are directed to aime at in their thoughts, words, deeds, and whole conuerſation towards their husband. Such tokens of familiaritie as are not withall tokens of ſubiection and reuerence, are vnbeſeeming a wife, becauſe they ſwerue from that marke.

§. 15. Of wiues

meekneſſe in their ſpeeches.

Meekneſſe in a wiues manner of framing her ſpeech to her husband, doth alſo commend her reuerend reſpect of him. This is an eſpeciall effect of that meeke and quiet ſpirit which S. Peter requireth of wiues; which dutie he doth ſtrongly inforce by this weighty argument, which is before God a thing much ſet by. Is a wiues meekneſſe much ſet by before God, and ſhall not wiues hold it both a bounden dutie, and comely ornament, and grace vnto them? As the forme of words which a wife vſeth in asking or anſwering queſtions, or any other kinde of diſcourſe which ſhee holdeth with her husband, ſo her moderation in perſiſting, arguing and preſſing matters, yea and the milde compoſition of her countenance in ſpeaking, declare her meekneſſe. If ſhe be deſirous to obtaine any thing of him, fairely ſhe muſt intreat it, as the Shunemite: If ſhe would moue him to performe a bounden dutie, mildly ſhe muſt perſwade him. If ſhe would reſtraine and keepe him from doing that which is euill, euen that alſo ſhe muſt doe with ſome meekneſſe, as Pilats wife: If ſhe haue occaſion to tell him of a fault, therein ſhe ought to manifeſt humilitie and reuerence, by obſeruing a fit ſeaſon, and doing it after a gentle manner as Abigail: who as ſhe wiſely behaued her ſelfe in this reſpect with her husband in obſeruing a fit ſeaſon, ſo alſo with Dauid by intimating his fault vnto him, rather then plainly reprouing him, when ſhe ſaid, It ſhall be no griefe nor offence vnto my Lord, that he hath not ſhed bloud cauſeleſſe. This

meekneſſe requireth alſo ſilence and patience, euen when ſhe is reproued.

Contrary is the waſpiſh and ſhrewiſh diſpoſition of many wiues to their husbands, who care not how haſtily and vnaduiſedly they ſpeake to them, like Rahel; nor how angerly and chidingly, like Iezabel; nor how diſdainfully, and ſpightfully, like Zipporah; nor how ſcoffingly, and frumpingly, like Michal; nor how reproachfully and diſgracefully, like Iobs wife. If they be reproued by their husbands, their husbands ſhall be reproached by them: & they are ready to anſwer again, not only word for word, but ten for one. Many wiues by their ſhrewiſh ſpeeches, ſhew no more reſpect to their husbands, then to their ſeruants, if ſo much. The leaſt occaſion moueth them not only inwardly to be angry and fret againſt them, but alſo outwardly to manifeſt the ſame by chiding and brawling. The very obiect whereupon many wiues vſually ſpit out their venomous words, is their husband; when their ſtomacks are full, they muſt needs eaſe them on their husbands: wherein their fault is doubled.

Let wiues therefore learne firſt to moderate their paſſion, and then to keepe in their tongues with bit and bridle, but moſt of all to take heed that their husbands taſte not of the bitterneſſe thereof, no not though they ſhould by ſome ouerſight of their husbands be prouoked. It is to be noted how Salomon calleth the iarres which are betweene man and wife, the contentions of a wife, whereby he intimateth that ſhe commonly is the cauſe thereof, either by prouoking her husband, or not bearing with him.