§. 10. Of equalitie in eſtat[gap] and condition betwixt thoſe that are to be maried together. to §. 22. Of ill or well ordering mariage feaſts.

§. 10. Of equalitie in eſtat[gap] and condition betwixt thoſe that are to be maried together.

2. Some equalitie in outward eſtate and wealth is alſo befitting the parties that are to be maried together, leſt the diſparitie therein (eſpecially if it be ouer-great) make the one [gap]nſult ouer the other more then is meet: for if a man of great wealth be maried to a poore woman, he will thinke to make

her as his maid-ſeruant, and expect that ſhe ſhould carrie her ſelfe towards him ſo as beſeemeth not a yoake-fellow, and a bedfellow: ſo as ſuch an one may rather be ſaid to be brought vnto bondage, then mariage. And if a rich woman mary a poore man, ſhe will looke to be the maſter, and to rule him: ſo as the order which God hath eſtabliſhed will be cleane peruerted: and the honour of mariage laid in the duſt. For where no order is, there can be no honour.

3. The like may be ſaid of outward condition, that therein alſo there be ſome equalitie: that Princes, Nobles, and Gentlemen, mary ſuch as are of their owne ranke: and the meaner ſort ſuch as are of their degree. Note what ſort of wiues Abraham, Iſaac, and Iaacob maried, and it will appeare that they had reſpect to this paritie. Diſparitie in condition as well as in eſtate, is a meanes to make men and women ſwell and inſult aboue that which is meet: yea and to twit one another in the teeth with their former eſtate and condition.

Contrary on the one ſide are the practiſes of ſuch as affect to mary aboue their owne eſtate and degree: thinking by ſuch mariages to aduance themſelues. This is the only thing which many ſeeke after in ſeeking wiues and husbands; whereby it commeth to paſſe that they oft meet with the worſt matches, and make their mariage a kinde of bondage vnto them. Great portions make many women proud, daintie, lauiſh, idle, and careleſſe; a man were much better, euen for helpe of his outward eſtate, to mary a prudent, ſober, thriftie, carefull, diligent wife, though with a ſmall portion, then ſuch an one. A proud backe, a daintie tooth, and a lauiſh hand will ſoone conſume a great portion; but a wiſe woman buildeth her houſe: and a vertuous woman is a crowne to her husband. Many wiues alſo that are maried to very rich husbands, are more ſtinted and pinched in their allowance, then ſuch as are maried to men of meaner eſtate. It is not the meanes which a man hath, but his minde and diſpoſition that maketh him free and bountifull to his wife.

Contrarie are the mariages which men of great authoritie and abilitie make with meane women, yea their owne maids many times, and thoſe of the loweſt ranke, their kitchinmaids. [gap]

parties part that is to be maried: and then if that partie be vnder the gouernment of parents, the matter muſt be moued to them, before there be any further proceeding therein, as Sampſon who ſeeing and liking a daughter of the Philiſtims, told his father and his mother thereof. Yea though the partie be not vnder the gouernment of any, yet it is very meet that counſell be taken of wiſe and vnderſtanding friends: that in a matter ſo weightie as mariage is, there may be the aduice of more heads then one, for the preuenting of ſuch miſchiefes as through raſhneſſe might fall out. After a liking is thus taken by one partie of a meet mate, that liking muſt be moued to the other partie ſo liked, to know whether there be a reciprocall affection of one towards another. Thus Sampſon went and talked with that woman whom he liked to be his wife. If at firſt there be a good liking mutually and thorowly ſetled in both their hearts of one another, loue is like to continue in them for euer, as things which are well glued, and ſetled before they be ſhaken vp and downe, will neuer be ſeuered aſunder: but if they be ioyned together without glue, or ſhaken while the glue is moiſt, they cannot remaine firme.

Mutuall loue and good liking of each other is as glue.

Let the parties to be maried be herein well ſetled before they come to meet with trials through cohabitation, and that loue will not eaſily be looſened by any trials.

Contrarie is the adulterous and brutiſh practiſe of ſuch as ſo ſoone as they caſt their eie on any whom they like, neuer aduiſe or conſult about a right and due proceeding vnto mariage, but inſtantly with all the eagerneſſe and ſpeed they can, like brute beaſts, ſeeke to haue their deſire and luſt ſatisfied. Though to keepe themſelues free from the penalty of the lawes vnder which they liue, they procure meanes to be maried, yet they declare a luſtfull and adulterous minde. And their practiſe is too like to the practiſe of the Beniamits, who catcht wiues from among the daughters of Shiloh as they were dancing: or elſe to the practiſe of the old world, which ſo grieued the Spirit of God, that it repented him that he had made man, and thereupon he was moued to bring a generall deluge on the whole world. Their practiſe was this, that they

tooke them wiues of all that they choſe: that is, they raſhly and ſuddenly maried whomſoeuer they liked, without any conſideration of their condition.

§. 14. Of a contract what it is?

II. When both parties haue manifeſted a mutuall liking each to other, and vpon mature deliberation and good aduice doe conceiue one to be a fit match for another, it is requiſite that a ioynt conſent and abſolute promiſe of marying one another before ſufficient witneſſes be made. This rightly made is a contract, which is the beginning of a mariage.

The right making of a firme contract conſiſteth in two things:

1. In an actuall taking of each other for eſpouſed man and wife.

2. In a direct promiſe of marying each other within a conuenient time. So as a forme of contract may be made to this purpoſe; Firſt the man taking the woman by the hand to ſay, I A. take thee B. to my eſpouſed wife, and doe faithfully promiſe to marie thee in time meet and conuenient. And then the woman againe taking the man by the hand to ſay, I B. take thee A. to my eſpouſed husband, and doe faithfully promiſe to yeeld to be maried to thee in time meet and conuenient. This mutuall and actuall taking of one another for eſpouſed man and wife in the time preſent, and a direct promiſe of marying one another afterwards, ſetleth ſuch a right and property of the one in the other as cannot be alienated without licence had from the great Iudge of heauen, who hath by his diuine ordinance ſetled that right.

Queſt. Is a contract abſolutely neceſſary?

Anſw. Though it haue beene an ancient cuſtome continued in all ages, yet I dare not pronounce it to be ſo abſolutely neceſſary, as the want thereof ſhould nullifie a mariage, and make it to be no lawfull mariage. But ſurely it is ſo meet and requiſite, as I would aduiſe all Chriſtians that deſire a bleſſing and good ſucceſſe on their mariage to be contracted before they are maried.

If there were no other ground for it but this, that God hath ſanctified it, and commended it vnto vs by his word, it were enough to perſwade ſuch as feare God to vſe it.

For I demand, why doth God commend vnto his Church any thing by his word, but that his Church ſhould make conſcience of vſing it? Now that by Gods word it is commended, is without contradiction moſt euident. For, not to inſiſt on that argument which, not without good probability, is alleaged for the antiquity of a contract, and thus collected from Gods ordering of that firſt ancient mariage betwixt Adam and Euah, God brought Euah to Adam on the firſt day that they were created to ſee how he would like her, and vpon the ſight of her, and notice which withall he had of her, by that wiſdome which God gaue him, he then tooke her to himſelfe: which taking is ſuppoſed to be but a contract, becauſe he did not know her till after his fall. If it be obiected that Adam and Euah are called man and wife in the time of their innocencie. It may bee anſwered that thoſe titles are in Scripture giuen to ſuch as are only contracted, to ſhew the neere and firme coniunction betwixt parties eſpouſed.

But not to inſiſt on that which is but probable, it is more then probable that Lots daughters were contracted: for it is ſaid that Lot had ſonnes in law which maried (or rather ſhould marie) his daughters: and withall it is ſaid that they had not knowne man: now then it muſt needs follow that they were called Lots ſonnes in law becauſe his daughters were eſpouſed to them. But moſt euident for this purpoſe is that difference which the law putteth betwixt a pure virgin, an eſpouſed maid, and a maried wife. So as contracted perſons are in a middle degree betwixt ſingle perſons, and maried perſons: they are neither ſimply ſingle, nor actually maried. To ſhew that this cuſtome of a contract before mariage continued in Gods Church among the Saints, it is expreſly noted that Marie the mother of the Lord Ieſus who liued many hundred yeares after that law, was contracted.

§. 16. Of the reaſons which ſhew how requiſite a contract is.

Many good and weightie reaſons may be alledged to ſhew how requiſite it is that a contract ſhould go before mariage. For

1. It addeth much to the honour of mariage, that it ſhould be deliberatly and aduiſedly ſtep after ſtep, by one degree after another conſummated and made vp.

2. It putteth a difference betwixt ſuch as intend mariage in the feare of the Lord, for ſuch holy ends as are warranted in the word, and ſuch as intend it only to ſatisfie their luſt, or for other like carnall ends. For theſe can admit no delay, as was noted before. But they that vſe this ſolemne preparation by a contract before mariage, ſhew that they deſire to haue all things fit for ſo ſacred a matter duly performed; and therefore they are content to make ſome ſtay for the better effecting thereof.

3. It is a meanes of knitting the hearts of the two parties to be maried more firmely and inuiolably together before they come to dwell together. For a contract being the beginning of a mariage, it is an euident demonſtration of Gods counſell concerning the parties contracted, that God hath prepared them each for other to be man and wife: ſo as after the contract is made, they may ſimply and abſolutely pray each for other, that God would bleſſe them one to another, to liue comfortably and happily together. Before a contract is made, they can but vpon ſuppoſition (if God haue appointed them to be man and wife) pray one for another. For oft it falleth out that after many great hopes and likelihoods of proceeding in ſuch or ſuch a match, by ſome occaſion or other it is cleane broken off: but a lawfull contract knitteth ſo firme a knot as cannot be broken: ſo as a man may conclude that being contracted to a woman ſhe ſhall be his wife: and ſo may a woman conclude of a man. The conſideration hereof will further moue them more narrowly to obſerue what good qualities, or what other things, which may make them more louely one to another, are in each other.

4. It is a meanes to make them before hand prepare themſelues to perfome ſuch mariage duties as Gods word requireth of man and wife. For a contract giueth them aſſurance of

mariage if they liue vnto it: ſo as then they cannot but know that it is high time for them to thinke how they are to carrie themſelues, when they come to liue in houſe together: and withall to conſider, what croſſes ordinarily doe accompanie the maried eſtate, that they may be before hand prepared wiſely to paſſe them ouer, or patiently to vndergoe them.

5. It may be a meanes of diſcouering many hidden and cloſe inconueniences, which otherwiſe would neuer come to light. For many friends fearing leſt the diſcouering of ſome euils which are carried cloſely, ſhould make a breach betwixt themſelues and their friends, will not make them knowne till they ſee ſome vrgent neceſſitie to moue them ſo to doe. Though the euill be ſuch, as being knowne would hinder mariage, yet till they ſee ſome ſure euidence, that they ſhall indeed be maried (if no iuſt exception be put in) they will hope that ſome other occaſion may fall out to hinder the mariage, and in that reſpect conceale their exception. But becauſe a contract is the beginning of mariage, after they haue notice therof, they will not forbeare to diſcloſe what they know. For this end is it, that the contract is three ſeuerall times openly publiſhed in the Church, that if any doe know any iuſt cauſe why ſuch perſons as are contracted may not lawfully proceed to mariage, they make knowne the ſame. A commendable cuſtome: and great pitty, that it is ſo much neglected as it is.

6. It may preuent many plots and practiſes of inueigling, or ſtealing away maids and widowes. For it oft falleth out, that when parents or other friends haue prouided a good match for their daughter, or for ſome other vnder their gouernment, and all things on all parts well concluded, the wedding day appointed, and all things fitted and prepared for the ſolemnizing of the wedding, ſome deſirous to foreſtall that mariage, by ſecret and cunning deuices get the bride away a few daies before, if not on the very morning of the intended wedding day, and mary her out of hand to another. That which maketh men ſo bold is, that they know a clandeſtine mariage being conſummate ſhall ſtand firme in law. But a legall contract preuenteth ſuch miſchiefes, becauſe it maketh ſuch a furtiue mariage vtterly void. None therfore knowing

that a contract is lawfully made before hand, will be ſo bold, or rather ſo mad, as to offer to fruſtrate a mariage after any ſuch manner.

7. It is a meanes to ſtirre vp the parties which are to be maried, more carefully and diligently to prouide all things fit for their dwelling together, and well ordering their houſhold before hand; that they be not to ſeeke for neceſſaries when they ſhould vſe them. For being contracted, they know that it cannot be long ere they muſt come to dwell together.

§. 17. Of abuſing, or neglecting a contract.

There are two extremes contrarie to the forenamed doctrine of a contract. One of attributing too much to it: another of derogating too much from it. Many make it a very mariage, and thereupon haue a greater ſolemnitie at their contract, then at their mariage: yea many take libertie after a contract to know their ſpouſe, as if they were maried: an unwarrantable and diſhoneſt practiſe. Lots daughters were contracted to husbands, and yet they are ſaid to haue knowne no man. The law ſtileth her that is contracted a maid, to ſhew that ſhe ought to keepe her ſelfe a virgin till the mariage be conſummate. Therefore Mary is thus deſcribed, a virgin eſpouſed. But it is the common courſe of moſt to make light account of this warrantable and honourable proceeding to mariage by a contract. Few there be in compariſon of the multitudes that are maried, who make any conſcience thereof. They thinke it needleſſe, and vtterly neglect it. No maruell that they meet with many miſchiefes and inconueniences, when the meanes of preuenting the ſame are not vſed. Let ſuch duly weight the reaſons rendred in the former ſection.

Quest. What diſtance of time muſt paſſe betwixt the making of a contract, and conſummating of mariage?

Anſw. This muſt be left to the wiſe conſideration of the parties contracted, and of their friends, for the ſame time cannot preciſely be preſcribed to all. Occaſions may fall out either of haſtening, or putting off the mariage. Only extremes on both ſides muſt be auoided. Neither ought the mariage be

too ſuddenly ſolemnized vpon the contract: (then the ends and reaſons of a contract, before mentioned, are made void) nor yet too long put off (then may Satan take occaſion to tempt them for their incontinencie.) The laudable cuſtome of our and other Churches ſheweth, that at leaſt three weekes muſt paſſe betwixt contract and mariage. For the contract is to be three times publiſhed, and that but once a weeke before the wedding be celebrated. And we read that the virgin Mary was at leaſt three moneths contracted before Ioſeph tooke her to wife. For when the Angell firſt came to her ſhe was eſpouſed: after that ſhe went to her coſen Elizabeth, with whom ſhe abode three moneths: and then being returned home Ioſeph was warned by an Angell to take her to wife. I note not this as a rule for euery one preciſely to follow. For the virgin Mary had a iuſt occaſion to tarrie three moneths with her old coſen Elizabeth: and ſo may others haue occaſions to put off their mariages: which may be lawfull, ſo the mariage be not put off too long, and that there be a mutuall and ioynt conſent of both parties. For after the contract is made, neither the man nor the woman haue the power of their owne body.

Contrary is that vnwarrantable courſe which many take, to be affianced and made ſure to a wife, and then to trauell beyond ſea, or to any other place, and be abſent from their ſpouſe a yeere, or two, or three, or it may be more yeeres. If a man might not goe to warre, nor be charged with any buſineſſe that ſhould draw him from his wife the firſt yeere of his mariage, much leſſe may he abſent himſelfe for any long time after he is contracted but not maried. This may be a meanes to alienate the heart of his ſpouſe from him for euer.

§. 19. Of a religious conſecrating of mariage.

III. The laſt degree of conſummating a mariage, is the open and publike ſolemnization thereof: which conſiſteth

1. In a religious conſecration

thereof.

2. In a ciuill celebration

A religious conſecration of mariage is performed by the bleſſing of a publike Miniſter of the word in the open face of the Church in the day time. This of old hath beene vſed of

Chriſtians, and ſtill is continued among vs. Though we haue neither expreſſe precept, nor particular patterne in Gods word for this manner of ſolemnizing a mariage (for there is no particular forme thereof ſet downe in the Scripture) yet it being agreeable to the generall rules thereof, we ought in conſcience to ſubiect our ſelues thereto.

The generall rules are theſe, Let all things be done decently,

and in order. The Churches of God haue ſuch a cuſtome. Submit

your ſelues to euery ordinance of man for the Lords ſake, with the like. But the foreſaid manner of conſecrating mariage, is very decent and in good order, a laudable cuſtome of the Churches, and an ordinance of thoſe gouernours vnder whom we liue. Therefore warrantable, and to be obſerued. Neither is this order, cuſtome, and ordinance appointed without iuſt and weightie reaſons. For

1. Mariage is a kind of publike action: the well or ill ordering therof much tendeth to the good or hurt of family, Church, and common-wealth. For by mariage families are erected, and Church and common-wealth increaſed and continued.

2. Mariage is honourable. The moſt ſacred and inuiolable bond that knitteth any two perſons together.

3. Mariage is Gods couenant, wherein he himſelfe hath a maine and principall ſtroke. For God is the chiefeſt agent in ioyning man and woman in mariage.

On theſe grounds it hath beene thought very requiſite that mariage ſhould be ſolemnized in the day time (as a worke of light that need not be couertly and cloſely done) and that in a publike place, whether any, that will, may haue free acceſſe, either to except againſt it, and hinder it (if there be iuſt cauſe) or to be a witneſſe thereof, and to adde his bleſſing thereto. And among publike places the Church is thought the fitteſt, becauſe it is the houſe of praier, where perſons and actions are moſt ſolemnly bleſſed. And of all perſons a publike Miniſter is thought to be the meeteſt to celebrate mariage, and to ioyne the parties to be maried, together, becauſe he ſtands in Gods roome, and in and by his miniſterie God ioyneth them together, and bleſſeth them: ſo as after the miniſter hath rightly ioyned man and wife together in matrimony, it may be well

ſaid, Thoſe whom God hath ioyned together, let no man put aſunder. The forme of conſecrating mariage, which is preſcribed in our liturgie or common-prayer-booke, doth ſo diſtinctly, perſpicuouſly, and fully ſet downe whatſoeuer is to be obſerued and done by the parties to be maried, their parents, or other gouernours, and the Miniſter that ioyneth them together, that I can adde nothing thereunto. There are declared the grounds, ends, and vſes of mariage. There open proclamation is made whether any can except againſt the intended mariage. There each partie is ſolemnly charged, that if either of them doe know any impediment, why they may not lawfully be maried, to diſcloſe it. There alſo each partie is openly demanded if freely and willingly they will take one another for man and wife. There the duties of maried perſons are declared, and they ſeuerally asked whether they will ſubiect themſelues thereto or no. All which being openly profeſſed, the parent or ſome in his ſtead is called forth to giue the Bride to the Bridegroome. Then they two actually taking each other to be man and wife, and teſtifying the ſame by expreſſe words, and by mutuall pledges, the Miniſter in Gods name ioyneth them together, pronounceth them to be lawfull husband and wife, and by prayer craueth Gods bleſſing vpon the action, and vpon their perſons. Thus is the mariage conſecrated, and they two made one fleſh, that is, lawfully ioyned together by the inuiolable bond of mariage.

§. 20. Of clandeſtine mariages.

Contrary are clandeſtine mariages, ſuch as are made in priuate houſes, or other ſecret places, or in Churches without a ſufficient number of witneſſes, or in the night time, or without a lawfull Miniſter of the word, with the like. As ſuch ſeeking of ſecrecie taketh much from the honour and dignitie of mariage, ſo it implieth ſome euill cleauing thereto: For euery

man that euill doth hateth the light. There is little hope that ſuch mariages ſhould haue any good ſucceſſe. For where ſuch meanes as are ſanctified for obtaining a bleſſing on mariage are neglected, what bleſſing can thereupon be expected?

§. 21. Of a ciuill celebrating of mariage.

Though vpon the forenamed conſecrating of mariage it be in regard of the ſubſtance thereof fully conſummate, yet for the greater ſolemnity of ſo honourable a thing, it is very requiſite that further there be added a ciuill celebration of it: vnder which I compriſe all thoſe lawfull cuſtomes that are vſed for the ſetting forth of the outward ſolemnitie thereof, as meeting of friends, accompanying the Bridegroome and Bride both to and from the Church, putting on beſt apparell, feaſting, with other tokens of reioycing: for which we haue expreſſe warrant out of Gods word.

For the generall, that the mariage time is a time of reioycing, ſome gather from the notation of the word, as if it were ſtiled mariage of merry age. But to let that paſſe, The Scripture vſeth to ſet forth a time of reioycing by the ioy of the Bridegroome ouer his Bride, and ſtileth the voice of a Bridegroome and a Bride, the voice of ioy and gladneſſe. And on the contrary counteth it a iudgement, when ioy is taken away from the Bridegroome and the Bride.

For meeting of friends at the time of mariage, it is noted that Laban gathered together all the men of the place, when his daughter was maried. And when Sampſon was maried, they brought thirtie companions to him. And when a friend of the virgin Marie was maried, Ieſus and his Diſciples, beſides many other, were inuited thereto. And in the parable of the mariage of the Kings ſonne, it is noted that many gueſts were bidden to the wedding. In all which hiſtories it is further noted, that feaſts were made at the ſolemnizing of thoſe mariages. And the phraſes which the Prophet vſeth of a Bridegroomes decking himſelfe with ornaments, and a Brides adorning her ſelfe with Iewels, giue warrant for putting on the beſt apparell at that time.

Here by the way let good heed be taken, that the things which may lawfully be vſed, be not vnlawfully abuſed, as commonly mariage-feſtiuities, and that eſpecially in feaſtings, are.

§. 22. Of ill or well ordering mariage feaſts.

Mariage feaſts are abuſed,

1. When they are made at an vnſeaſonable time: as on the Lords day, or in a time of mourning.

2. When they exceed the abilitie of him that maketh the feaſts.

3. When the abundance prepared, is immoderatly taken, euen to gluttony and drunkenneſſe. The lewd practiſe of drinking healths to the Bridegroome and Bride, oft cauſeth much exceſſe in drunkenneſſe.

4. When too much time is ſpent therein.

5. When God is cleane forgotten therein, and the companie poyſoned with corrupt communication, vnchaſte ſongs, and the like.

6. When the needy and diſtreſſed are not remembred therein.

For preuenting of theſe abuſes, a ſeaſonable time for celebrating mariage muſt be choſen out: and moderation vſed both by him that maketh the feaſt, and alſo by them that partake thereof: moderation I ſay in the meaſure of eating and drinking, and in the time ſpent therein: which time muſt be ſanctified with ſuch communication as is good to the vſe of edifying, that it may miniſter grace vnto the hearers. And for the more cheerefulneſſe therein, witty queſtions and doubtfull riddles may be propounded (as Sampſon did) to exerciſe the wit and iudgement of the gueſts: there may be alſo ſinging Pſalmes and hymnes and ſpirituall ſongs, making melodie in their hearts to the Lord. Yea further, that the mariage meeting, mirth, and feaſting may be the better ſanctified, good choice is to be made of the gueſts that are inuited thereto. Hereof we haue a worthy patterne in thoſe who were maried in Cana of Galile, [gap]nd inuited to their feaſt Ieſus, his mother, and his Diſciples. Such as Ieſus, will miniſter occaſion of ſauourie and ſanctified communication, whereby all the gueſts may be much edified. [gap]uch as the virgin Mary will be a good example of modeſty, [gap]brietie, and other like Chriſtian graces. Such as the Diſciples, will be farre from ſcorning and deriding wholſome and [gap]ood inſtructions, but rather giue all diligent heed thereunto, [gap]d lay them vp in their hearts.

Aboue all, that the mirth and ioy of mariage be not dampt,

as Belſhazzars was, let them that are maried, and all that come to reioyce with them, be ſure that they haue true aſſurance of their ſpirituall mariage with Chriſt, and of a good right in him to the creatures which they vſe. Otherwiſe their ſinnes will be as that hand-writing which appeared to Belſhazzar on the wall.

Finally, in regard of that libertie which God giueth with plentie and abundance to eat of the fat, and drinke of the ſweet, let the poore that ſcarce haue ſufficiencie be remembred.

Thus by a right celebrating of mariage, is it much honoured: and man and wife with much honour are brought together.