§. 5. Of husbands loſing their authoritie. to §. 13. Of an husbands

kinde acceptance of ſuch things as his wife doth.

§. 5. Of husbands loſing their authoritie.

Contrary is their practiſe who by their profaneneſſe, riotouſneſſe, drunkenneſſe, lewdneſſe, lightneſſe, vnthriftineſſe, and other like baſe carriage, make themſelues contemptible, and ſo loſe their authoritie: though a wife ought not to take theſe occaſions to deſpiſe her husband, yet is it a iuſt iudgement on him to be deſpiſed, ſeeing he maketh himſelfe contemptible.

Contrary alſo to the forenamed directions is the ſterne, rough, and cruel carriage of husbands, who by violence and tyranny goe about to maintaine their authority. Force may indeed cauſe feare, but a ſlauiſh feate, ſuch a feare as breedeth more hatred then loue, more inward contempt, then outward reſpect.

And contrary is their ſeruile diſpoſition, who againſt their owne iudgement yeeld to the bent of their wiues minde in ſuch things as are vnlawfull: they will loſe their authority rather then giue diſcontent to their wiues: which is a fault expreſly forbidden by the law: and yet a fault whereinto not only wicked Ahab, but alſo wiſe Salomon fell: how heinous a fault, and how grieuous a fall this was in Salomon, the fearefull iſſue thereof ſheweth. Like to him not in wiſdome, but in this point of egregious folly, are ſuch as vpon their wiues inſtigation, ſuffer Prieſts and Ieſuites, to lurke and celebrate Maſſes in their houſes, and yeeld to be preſent thereat themſelues. Like to Ahab are ſuch Magiſtrates as ſuffer their wiues to ouerſway them in courſe of Iuſtice: hence it commeth to paſſe that more petitions and ſuites are made to the wiues of Magiſtrates in the caſes of Iuſtice then to the Magiſtrates themſelues: and the fauour of their wiues is more eſteemed then their owne: ſo as the power of gouerning, and the maine ſtroke in determining matters, is from their wiues; they are but

the mouthes and inſtrument of their wiues, in ſo much as among the common people the title of their places and offices is giuen to their wiues. Some husbands ſuffer this by reaſon of their fearefull, and fooliſh diſpoſition, wanting courage and wiſdome to maintaine the honour of their places againſt the inſolency of their wiues: others vpon a ſubtil, couetous, wicked minde, that by the meanes of their wiues there may be more freedome for receiuing bribes. Among theſe I may reckon thoſe who againſt their owne minde, to ſatisfie their wiues minde, ſuffer both wiues and children to follow the faſhion, to attire themſelues vnbeſeeming their places, to frequent light company, with the like; and alſo thoſe who vpon their wiues importunitie are moued (as Sampſon was) to reueale ſuch ſecrets as are not meet to be knowne. Husbands may hearken to their wiues mouing good things, but they may not obey them in euill things: if they doe, their fault is double: 1. in doing euill: 2. in loſing their authoritie.

Let husbands therefore be very watchfull againſt their wiues euill inſtigations. Satan laboured to ſupplant Iob by his wife: and by this doth he ſubuert many in theſe daies.

§. 6. Of husbands

high account of wiues.

As authority muſt be well maintained, ſo muſt it be well managed: for which purpoſe two things are needfull:

• 1. That an husband tenderly reſpect his wife.

• 2. That prouidently he care for her.

An husbands tender reſpect of his wife is

Inward.

Outward.

Inward in regard of his

Opinion of her.

Affection to her.

Outward in regard of his cariage towards her.

For an husbands opinion of his wife, two things are to be weighed, Her place,

Her perſon.

1. Her place is indeed a place of inferiority, and ſubiection, yet the neereſt to equality that may be: a place of common equity in many reſpects, wherein man and wife are after a ſort euen fellowes, and partners: Hence then it followeth that

The husband muſt account his wife a yoke-fellow and companion. This is one point of giuing honour to the wife: and it is implied

vnder that phraſe wherby the end of making a wife is noted, which in our Engliſh is tranſlated, meet for him, word for word as before him that is, like himſelfe, one in whom he might ſee himſelfe, or euen (to vſe our Apoſtles word) himſelfe. Theſe phraſes imply a kinde of fellowſhip: as alſo the many prerogatiues that are common to both, which haue beene noted before.

As a wiues acknowledgement of her husbands ſuperiority is the ground-worke of all her duties, ſo an husbands acknowledgement of that fellowſhip which is betwixt him and his wife, will make him carry himſelfe much more amiably, familiarly, louingly, and euery way as beſeemeth a good husband towards her.

Obiect. Fellowſhip betwixt man and wife cannot ſtand with a wiues inferiority and ſubiection.

Anſw. They are of very meane capacity that cannot ſee how theſe may ſtand together. Is there not a fellowſhip betwixt ſuperiour and inferiour magiſtrates in relation to their ſubiects? yea the Scripture mentioneth a fellowſhip betwixt Chriſt the head and other Saints in relation to the glory whereof all are made partakers (for it termeth vs ioynt heires with Chriſt:) and in relation to Gods people a fellowſhip betwixt God and his miniſters (for it termeth them labourers together

with God) yet none can denie the Saints, and miniſters to be inferiour and in ſubiection to Chriſt, and God. But diſtinctly to anſwer the obiection.

1. There may not only be a fellowſhip, but alſo an equality in ſome things betwixt thoſe that in other things are one of them inferiour and ſubiect: as betwixt man and wife in the power of one another bodies: for the wife (as well as the huſband) is therein both a ſeruant, and a miſtreſſe, a ſeruant to yeeld her body, a miſtreſſe to haue the power of his.

2. There may be fellowſhip in the very ſame things wherein is inferiority: for fellowſhip hath reſpect to the thing it ſelfe, inferiority to the meaſure, and manner: as in giuing light the Sunne and Moone haue a fellowſhip, but in the meaſure and

manner the Moone is inferiour: the Moone hath not ſo much light as the Sunne, and that which it hath it hath from the Sunne: and as in gouerning, the king and other magiſtrates haue a fellowſhip, but in the meaſure, and manner of gouernment they are inferiour to him: Euen ſo is it betwixt man and wife, in many things wherein there is a fellowſhip, the wife is notwithſtanding inferiour: ſo as inferiority may ſtand with fellowſhip.

3. There are no vnequals betwixt which there is ſo neere a parity as betwixt man and wife: if therefore there may be a fellowſhip betwixt any that are ſuperiour, and inferiour one to another, then much more betwixt man and wife.

As the ſoule therefore ruleth ouer the body, by a mutuall and louing conſent and agreement, ſo muſt a man ouer his wife.

§. 8. Of husbands too meane account of wiues.

Contrary is the conceit of many who thinke there is no difference betwixt a wife and ſeruant but in familiarity: and that wiues were made to be ſeruants to their husbands, becauſe ſubiection, feare and obedience are required of them: whence it commeth to paſſe that wiues are oft vſed little better then ſeruants. A conceit and practiſe ſauouring too much of heatheniſh, and ſottiſh arrogancy. Did God at firſt take the wife out of mans ſide, that man ſhould tread her vnder his feet? or rather that he ſhould ſet her at his ſide next to him aboue all children, ſeruants, or any other in the family, how neere, or deare vnto him ſoeuer? for none can be neerer then a wife, and none ought to be dearer.

§. 9. Of husbands good eſteeme of their

owne wiues.

2. For the perſon of a wife, An husband ought to eſteeme that particular perſon to whom by Gods prouidence he is ioyned in mariage, to be the fitteſt, and beſt for him. This is implied vnder that particle of reſtraint (OWNE) noted by the Apoſtle where he ſaith husbands loue your OWNE wiues, and againe preſſeth it vnder a compariſon of the body (as

your OWNE bodies) Euery one thinketh his owne body beſt and fitteſt for him. A man might happily wiſh ſome defects or enormities in his owne body to be amended, and deſire that his were like an

others, more ſtrait, ſtrong, and comely then his owne, yet would he not haue his head to be vpon that other mans body: the ſame opinion ought a man (that would loue his wife) to haue of her.

Good reaſon there is for him ſo to doe: for true is the prouerbe, if it be rightly taken, mariages are firſt made in heauen, that is, God hath an ouer-ruling hand in ordering them: which Salomon implieth by that oppoſition which he maketh betwixt wealth and a wife: that is from our fathers, this from the Lord: in which reſpect he ſaith, he which findeth a wife receiueth fauour of the Lord. If therefore thou art loued of God, and loueſt him, he will make thy wife proue a good thing to thee.

Obiect. A wife may be a very lewd and wicked woman: how then can ſhe be accounted the beſt wife?

Anſw. 1. It may be ſhe was good enough when firſt ſhe was brought to thee, but thou by thine euill example, or negligent gouernment, or hard vſage, haſt made her ſo bad as ſhe is. Which if it be ſo, then is ſhe to be conſidered not as thou haſt marr'd her, but as thou diddeſt marie her.

2. Though ſhe be not in relation to other wiues the beſt in condition, yet in relation to thee ſhe may be the beſt in euent: if not for thine eaſe and quiet, yet for triall of thy wiſdome and patience: and ſo as a ſchoole of vertue ſhe may be vnto thee. As a skilfull pilots ſufficiency is tried and knowne by tempeſtuous ſeas, ſo a mans wiſdome by a troubleſome wife. Yea ſhe may be giuen thee as a puniſhment of ſome former ſinnes, as ſeeking after a beautifull, honourable, rich, proper wife, rather then a religious and honeſt one: or ſeeking her without any direction or helpe firſt ſought of God, or otherwiſe then thou haſt warrant from God, as by ſtealth, and without parents conſent; or ſome other ſinnes in another kinde, to bring thee to repentance: or as a meanes to reſtraine and weane thee from ſome future ſinnes whereunto thou are ſubiect, and ſo proue a bleſſed croſſe to keepe thee from a fearefull curſe.

§. 10. Of husbands prepoſterous opinion of their owne wiues.

Contrary is a corrupt and peruerſe opinion which many haue of their owne wiues, thinking them of all other the worſt

and vnfitteſt; yea though they be ſuch as euery way both in gifts and qualities of minde, and alſo in grace and comelineſſe of body deſerue all good reſpect and eſteeme. Whereas others (which looke with a ſingle eye) commend their good parts, they Miſinterpret and miſiudge all: if their wiues be religious, they thinke them hypocrites: if graue, ſober and modeſt, melancholicke: if cheerefull, wanton: if they keepe at home, idle drones: if they take occaſion (though neuer ſo iuſt) of going abroad, gadders, and lightfooted. This bad opinion of their wiues is a cauſe that their hearts are cleane remoued from their owne, and ſet vpon ſtrange fleſh: whereby the deuill gaineth what he deſireth, that is, to put aſunder ſuch as God hath ioyned together, and to ioyne thoſe whom God hath put aſunder.

§. 11. Of husbands

intire affection to their wiues.

An husbands affection to his wife muſt be anſwerable to his opinion of her: he ought therefore to delight in his wife intirely, that is, ſo to delight in her as wholly and only delighting in her: In this reſpect the Prophets wife is called the deſire, or delight, or pleaſure of his eyes: that wherein he moſt of all delighted, and therefore by a propriety ſo called.

Such delight did Iſaak take in his wife as it droue out a contrary ſtrong paſſion, namely the griefe which he tooke for the departure of his mother: for it is noted that he

loued her, and was comforted after his mothers death.

This kinde of affection the wiſe-man doth elegantly ſet forth in theſe words, Reioyce with the wife of thy youth: Let her

be as the louing Hinde, and pleaſant Roe, and be thou rauiſht alwaies with her loue. Here note both the metaphors, and alſo the hyperbole which are vſed to ſet forth an husbands delight in his wife. In the metaphors againe note both the creatures whereunto a wife is reſembled, and alſo the attributes giuen to them. The creatures are two, an Hind and a Roe, which are the females of an Hart and a Roe-Bucke: now it is noted of the Hart and Roe-Bucke, that of all other beaſts they are moſt inamored (as I may ſo ſpeake) with their mates, and euen mad againe in their heat and deſire after them.

Theſe metaphors hath Salomon vſed to ſet forth that vnfained

and earneſt, intire and ardent affection which an husband ought to beare vnto his wife: which being taken in a good ſenſe, and rightly applied, ſo as they exceed not the bonds of chriſtian modeſty and decency, are very fit, and pertinent to the purpoſe: if we ſtretch them beyond modeſty, we wrong the pen-man of them, or rather the Holy Ghoſt that directed him, and propound a pernicious patterne vnto husbands.

The attributes giuen to the forenamed creatures much amplifie the point: the former is termed a louing Hind, the latter a pleaſant Roe, word for word an Hind of Loues, a Roe of fauour, that is, exceedingly loued and fauoured: (for to ſet forth the extent of Gods loue vnto his Sonne, Chriſt is called the ſonne of his loue:)

Theſe compariſons applied to a wife, doe liuely ſet forth that delight which an husband ought to take in her, and yet is it much further amplified by the hyperbole vſed in this phraſe, be thou rauiſht with her loue, word for word erre thou in her loue, by which no ſinfull error, or dotage is meant, but a lawfull earneſt affection: implying two things eſpecially: Firſt ſo far to exceed, as to make a man ouerſee ſome ſuch blemiſhes in his wife, as others would ſoone eſpie and miſlike: or elſe to count them no blemiſhes, delighting in her neuer a whit the leſſe for them. For example, if a man haue a wife, not very beautifull, or proper, but hauing ſome deformity in her body, ſome imperfection in her ſpeech, ſight, geſture, or any part of her body, yet ſo to affect her, and delight in her, as if ſhe were the faireſt, and euery way moſt compleat woman in the world. Secondly, ſo highly to eſteeme, ſo ardently to affect, ſo tenderly to reſpect her, as others may thinke him euen to doat on her. An husbands affection to his wife cannot be too great if it kept within the bonds of honeſty, ſobriety and comelineſſe. The wiues affection ought to be as great to her husband, yet becauſe of the husbands place of authority, he muſt eſpecially take all occaſions to manifeſt this his inward affection. Read the Song of Songs, and in it you ſhall obſerue ſuch affection manifeſted by Chriſt to his Spouſe, as would make one thinke he did (with reuerence in an holy manner to vſe the phraſe) euen erre in his loue and doat on her. A good patterne and

preſident for husbands. For nothing is more louely them a good wife.

§. 12. Of the Stoicall diſpoſition of huſbands to their wiues.

Contrary is the diſpoſition of ſuch husbands as haue no heat, or heart of affection in them: but Stoick-like delight no more in their owne wiues then in any other women, nor account them any dearer then others. A diſpoſition no way warranted by the word. The faithfull Saints of God before mentioned, as alſo many other like to them, were no Stoicks, without all affection: nor did they thinke it a matter vnbeſeeming them after a peculiar manner to delight in their wiues (witneſſe Iſaacks ſporting with his wife) for this is a priuiledge which appertaineth to the eſtate of mariage. But that I be not miſtaken herein, let it be noted that the affection whereof I ſpeake is not a carnall, ſenſuall, beaſtly affection, but ſuch an one as may ſtand with Chriſtian grauitie and ſo briety: hauing relation to the ſoule of a mans wife as well as to her body, grounded both on the neere coniunction of mariage, and alſo on the inward qualities of his wife.

Thus farre of an husbands inward reſpect of his wife. It followeth to ſpeake of his outward cariage towards her.

§. 13. Of an husbands

kinde acceptance of ſuch things as his wife doth.

S. Peter giueth a generall rule for an husbands outward cariage to his wife, which is, that he dwell with her according to knowledge, that is, as a man able to order his cariage wiſely to his owne honour and his wiues good, that ſo ſhe may haue iuſt cauſe to bleſſe God that euer ſhe was ioyned to ſuch an huſband.

Out of this generall theſe two branches ſprout forth.

• 1. That an husband giue no iuſt offence to his wife.

• 2. That wiſely he order that offence which is giuen by her.

To auoid giuing of offence he muſt haue reſpect,

• 1. To that which ſhe doth as duty to him.

• 2. To that which he doth as duty to her.

In regard of the former two things are requiſite:

-

1. That he kindly accept what ſhe is willing and able to doe.

• 2. That he wiſely commend and reward what ſhe doth well.

Thus hauing for orders ſake laid downe theſe heads, I will diſtinctly handle the ſeuerall points.

The firſt particular wherein an husband ſheweth himſelfe to be a man of knowledge in walking before his wife, is by a kinde and reſpectiue acceptation of euery good duty which his wife performeth. Abraham in teſtimony of his good acceptance of Sarahs pains in nurſing her childe, made a great feaſt when the childe was weined: and Elkanah on a like reſpect gaue liberty to his wife to doe what ſeemed her beſt.

A great incouragement muſt this needs be vnto wiues to be ſubiect vnto their husbands in all things, when they obſerue no part of their ſubiection to be careleſly neglected, but rather graciouſly accepted: it quickens the ſpirit of a wife to thinke that her care and pains in pleaſing her husband ſhall not be in vaine.