§. 45. Of parents cockering their children. to §. 51. Direction for parents in prouiding callings for their children.

§. 45. Of parents cockering their children.

Contrary is their too much doting on children, who are [gap]oth to giue them a foule word. Dauid (though otherwiſe a [gap]very wiſe man) herein manifeſted much folly, for he diſpleaſed [gap]ot Adoniah at any time in ſaying, why haſt thou done ſo? and like

enough it is, that alſo he ſo cockered his other rebellious ſonne Abſolom. Note the fearefull iſſue that followed thereupon both to father and children. Though their father would not diſpleaſe them, yet they cared not to diſpleaſe their father, yea to grieue his heart, and vex his ſoule. The like may all fooliſh doting parents looke for at their childrens hands. For firſt parents by neglect of this dutie highly diſpleaſe God: therefore in iuſt reuenge will God giue their children ouer to diſpleaſe and vex them. Secondly, neglect of reproofe is a meanes to make children rude, preſumptuous, rebellious, and ſo careleſſe to pleaſe their parents. Yea all things where in children offend through want of education ſhall be required at their parents hands.

§. 46. Of correcting children.

The latter and more proper kinde of correction which is by ſtripes and blowes is alſo a meanes appointed by God to helpe the good nurture and education of children. It is the laſt remedy which a parent can vſe: a remedy which may doe good when nothing elſe can.

It is by the holy Ghoſt both expreſly commanded, and alſo very oft preſſed vnder theſe and ſuch like phraſes, Ch[gap]ſten thy ſonne:

correct thy ſonne:

with-hold not correction from the childe:

thou ſhalt ſmite him with the rod. Were there no other motiue, this were ſufficient. Gods charge was ſuch a motiue to Abraham, as at it he would haue ſacrificed his ſonne: and wilt not thou at Gods command correct thy childe?

It is further commended by Gods owne example, which is not only ſet forth in ſome particular inſtances, but by his generall conſtant dealing with all, and that as an eſpeciall token and fruit of his loue. For whom the Lord loueth he chaſteneth,

and ſcourgeth euery ſonne whom he receiueth. If ye be without chaſtiſement wherof all are partakers, then are ye baſtards and not ſonnes. Let this example of God be well weighed, for it is of great weight. Who can better tell what kinde of dealing is fitteſt for children then God? Who can better nurture children then God? Who doth more truly aime at, and procure the good of children then God? Yea who doth more tender children then God? If God the father of ſpirits in wiſdome and

loue thus deale with his children, fathers of the fleſh may not thinke by the contrary to ſhew wiſdome or loue. Their wiſdome will be folly, their loue hatred. Vpon theſe grounds it is taken for a thing granted, that parents (who tender the good of their children as they ſhould) doe chaſtiſe their children as need requireth: for it is ſaid, that the Lord correcteth whom he loueth, as a father the ſonne in whom he delighteth. If parents vſed it not, this were no good inference to ſay, as a father: againe, as a thing without controuerſie it is ſaid, we haue had fathers of our fleſh which corrected vs.

The grounds of the equitie of this dutie, reſpect partly the children corrected, and partly the parents that correct. In regard of children, it freeth them from much euill, and worketh in them much good.

Correction is as phyſicke to purge out much corruption which lurketh in children, and as a ſalue to heale many wounds and ſores made by their folly. In which reſpect Solomon ſaith, that Fooliſhneſſe is bound in the heart of a childe, but the rod of correction ſhall driue it farre from him: and againe, The blewneſſe of a wound is a purging medicine againſt euill: ſo doe ſtripes the inward parts of the belly. In regard of the inward operation of this phyſicke, correction is further ſaid to preſerue a childe from death, ( if thou beatest him he ſhall not die) and that not only from temporall death (as many children are thus preſerued from the Magiſtrates ſword) but alſo from eternall death ( thou ſhalt deliuer his ſoule from hell.) Note this ye cockering parents, whoſe ouer-much lenitie is very great crueltie. For may we not iuſtly count him a cruell parent, that ſhould ſuffer diſeaſes, boiles, ſores, and wounds to remaine, increaſe, and feſter in his childe, and giue him no phyſicke, nor apply any plaiſters, or medicines to him? Nay rather who ſeeth his ſonne running into a flaming fire, or deepe water, and would not hold him backe? Euen ſo cruell, and more cruell are they, who ſuffer their children to runne on in euill, rather then correct them.

Obiect. Who can endure to make his owne childe ſmart, and to put him to paine?

Anſw. The future fruit is more to be conſidered, then the preſent paine. Potions, pills, and coraſiues, are fulſome, bitter,

and painfull; but becauſe there is a neceſſitie of vſing them, and great miſchiefe is preuented by the vſe of them, wiſe parents will not forbeare them for the ſenſible bitterneſſe, and paine. Fitly doth the Apoſtle thus anſwer that obiection, No chaſtning for the

preſent ſeemeth to be ioyous, but grieuous; neuertheleſſe, afterward it yeeldeth the peaceable fruit of righteouſneſſe. This may be applied to parents corrections as well as to Gods.

The good which correction bringeth to children, is by Solomon noted in this and ſuch like phraſes, The rod giueth wiſdome: for it maketh children obſerue, what is good, and what euill; what commendable, and what blame-worthy: and accordingly to doe the good, and leaue the euill, which is a great point of wiſdome.

Obiect. Inſtruction will better doe this.

Anſw. Inſtruction may giue them more knowledge, but it is correction which bringeth them to practiſe what they know, which is the chiefeſt point of wiſdome.

In regard of parents, due correcting of their children both freeth them of many inconueniences, and alſo bringeth to them much quiet.

1. It ſpareth them much paines. For many admonitions oft repeated, and inculcated againe and againe, will not make many children ſo much to heed wholſome and good aduice, as a little correction. They are much more ſenſible of ſmart, then of words.

2. It preuenteth much griefe, ſhame, and vexation: for a fooliſh ſonne is a griefe to his father, and bitterneſſe to her that bare him. But it is

the rod of correction that driueth away fooliſhneſſe, and ſo preuenteth that griefe and bitterneſſe.

3. It freeth them from the guilt of their childrens ſinne, ſo as they are not acceſſarie thereto, as Eli was. For correction is the laſt remedie that a parent can vſe: if by that he can doe no good, it is preſuppoſed that he hath done his vttermoſt endeuour: in which reſpect, though the childe die in his ſinne, yet the parent hath deliuered his owne ſoule.

The quiet which is brought to parents by correcting their children, is thus noted out by Solomon,

Correct thy ſonne, and he ſhall giue thee rest, yea he ſhall giue delight vnto thy ſoule. For children well nurtured, and by correction kept in a filiall awe,

will ſo carrie themſelues, as their parents may reſt ſomewhat ſecure, and not diſquiet themſelues (as they doe with children ſet at libertie) yea, as trees well pruned, and ground well tilled, they will bring forth pleaſant and abundant fruit; and ſo their parents will haue iuſt cauſe to reioyce in them.

§. 47. A direction to parents in correcting their children.

For well vſing this biting coraſiue of correction, parents muſt haue reſpect to the matter for which they doe correct, and to their manner of correcting.

In regard of the matter, theſe three things muſt be noted.

1. That they be ſure there is a fault committed: that ſo there be iuſt cauſe of correcting: elſe more hurt then good will proceed from thence. If a coraſiue be laid where there is no ſore, it will make one. If correction be vniuſtly giuen, it may prouoke to wrath, but will doe little good. This is it wherein earthly fathers are taxed, and made vnlike to God, for that many times they correct after their owne pleaſure: which is a point of great iniuſtice.

2. That the fault be made knowne to the childe corrected: and he apparantly conuinced thereof. Correction muſt be for inſtruction, which cannot be, except the childe know why he is corrected: for it is all one to him, as if he were corrected for no fault, if he know not his fault. God thus a firſt proceeded with the ſerpent, with Eue, and with Adam. Thus Iudges proceed in puniſhing malefactors. Yea thus will men deale with a dog. Should they not much more with a childe?

3. That the faults be ſuch eſpecially, as the parents can ſhew to their children (if at leaſt they be of ſo much diſcretion) to be againſt Gods word; as ſwearing, lying, pilfring, and the like: for 1. theſe are moſt dangerous faults, and therefore more carefully to be purged out. 2. the childe corrected will thus be the better euicted of his fault, the more condemne himſelfe, and more contentedly beare the correction.

In regard of the manner of correcting, foure generall, and foure particular rules are to be obſerued.

The generall rules are theſe.

1. An eye muſt be had to Gods manner of correcting his children, and in particular of Gods correcting the parent himſelfe:

no better generall direction can be giuen: for Gods patterne is a perfect rule.

2. Prayer muſt be made by parents for themſelues and for their children: for themſelues, to be directed in doing it: for their children, to be bettered by it. Thus will good Phyſitians in miniſtring phyſicke. In all duties is prayer to be vſed; eſpecially in this: for a parent is ready, partly through his owne intemperate paſſion, and partly through the childs impatiencie, to fall into one extreme or other. This is not to impoſe vpon all, whenſoeuer they take vp the rod, to goe and make a ſolemne prayer, but to lift vp the heart for direction and bleſſing.

3. Correction muſt be giuen in loue. All things muſt be done in

loue: much more this, that carieth a ſhew of anger and hatred. In loue they will giue phyſicke to their children, and ſplinter a ioynt, if need be. God correcteth his children in loue: ſo muſt parents. Loue will make them doe it with tenderneſſe and compaſſion.

4. Correction muſt be giuen in a milde moode, when the affections are well ordered, and not diſtempered with choler, rage, furie, and other like paſſions. Diſturbed paſſions caſt a miſt before the vnderſtanding, ſo as a man cannot diſcerne what is enough, what too much. When paſſion is moued, correction muſt be deferred. God correcteth in meaſure.

The particular rules are theſe.

1. Due order muſt be kept. Correction by word muſt goe before correction by the rod. I rebuke and chaſten, ſaith the Lord. Thus a parent will ſhew that he taketh no delight in ſmiting his childe: it is neceſſitie that forceth him thereunto. Thus a parent ſheweth himſelfe like to God, who doth not puniſh willingly, Lam. 3. 33. Phyſitians, when they miniſter ſtrong phyſicke, will giue a preparatiue: rebuke may be as a preparatiue. Good and pitifull Chirurgions will try all other meanes before they come to launce and ſeere.

2. Due reſpect muſt be had to the partie corrected: if he be young and tender, the lighter correction muſt be vſed. Solomon oft mentioneth a rod, as meeteſt for a childe; for that is the lighteſt correction. So if the childe be of a flexible and ingenuous diſpoſition, ſoone ſneapt, the correction muſt accordingly be moderated.

If he be well growne, and withall be ſtout, and ſtubborne, the correction may be more ſeuere.

3. Due reſpect muſt be had to the fault: Sinnes directly againſt God, open, notorious, ſcandalous ſinnes, knowne ſinnes, ſinnes often committed, in which they are growne vp, and whereof they haue gotten an habit, are with greater ſeueritie to be corrected.

4. A parent muſt behold his owne faults in correcting his childes: ſo more compaſſion will be wrought in him.

§. 48. Of parents too much indulgency.

Contrary to this dutie of correcting are two extremes.

• 1. Too much lenitie.

• 2. Too much ſeueritie.

Many ſo cocker their children, as they will ſuffer them to run into any miſdemeanour, rather then correct them. They cannot endure to heare their children cry: and therefore their children muſt be pleaſed in all their humours and euill deſires. Theſe parents bring ſhame to themſelues, and miſchiefe vpon their children: for God is oft forced to correct ſuch. Heauy are Gods corrections: and oft light on parent and childe both: as appeareth by the iudgement on Eli and his ſonnes: for ſuch parents make themſelues acceſſary to their childrens ſinnes: yea alſo to the iudgements laid vpon their children. God ſaith of ſuch parents, that they honour their children aboue God. It is therefore a fond indulgency which maketh parents regard neither Gods honour, nor their owne or childrens ſafetie.

Mothers for the moſt part offend herein, who are ſo farre from performing this dutie themſelues, as they are much offended with their husbands if they doe it. And to proclaime their folly to all the world, they cannot commit their children to a Tutor or Schoole-maſter, but with a ſtrait charge, that they correct them not.

Obiect. Correction maketh children ſots and blocks.

Anſw. If Gods ſpirit deſerue to haue more credence then ſuch fooliſh women, that obiection is moſt falſe, for we heard before how correction giueth wiſdome, and driueth out fooliſhneſſe.

2. Obiect. Mothers may be the more borne with herein,

becauſe with long trouble they did beare, and with great trauell bring forth their children.

Anſw. That may be a good motiue for them to ſeeke the true good of their children, that ſo their trouble and trauell may not be in vaine: but not to vphold them in the broad way that leadeth to deſtruction.

§. 49. Of parents too much ſeueritie in correcting their children.

They who offend in the other extreme of ſeuerity, of the two are the more vnnaturall parents; they offend directly againſt the firſt branch of this text (Prouoke not to wrath.) Nothing more prouoketh then immoderate ſeuerity: for

1. It argueth no loue in the parent, but rather hatred, at leaſt wrath, and other ſuch like diſtempered affections.

2. It ſofteneth not the childes heart, but hardeneth it rather.

3. It maketh him dull, and ſtupid, and cleane peruerteth the right and true end of correction.

4. It oft maketh a childe thinke of doing ſome miſchiefe to his parent or himſelfe.

That parents may the rather take heed of this extreme, I will briefly note wherein exceſſe in ſeueritie is ſhewed.

It is ſhewed, when correction is giuen

1. For no fault. In this caſe, though correction be neuer ſo light, it is too ſeuere.

2. For ſmall faults, in wrath and furie, though the ſtripes be few and light, yet the parents behauiour is too much ſeueritie.

3. To children that are young and tender, or ſoft, milde and ingenuous, as if they were in ſome yeeres, the moſt obſtinate and peruerſe that could be.

4. Too often: for euery thing done amiſſe: whereas parents ſhould ſeeme not to ſee or heare many things which they ſee, and heare.

5. Too ſorely: ſo as the childe is lamed, or ſome way ſo hurt as he ſhall feele it as long as he liueth.

§. 50. Of Parents care in prouiding fit callings for their children.

Hauing laid downe ſuch duties of parents as eſpecially reſpect

the childhood of children, I proceed to lay forth ſuch as haue reſpect to their riper yeeres wherein they are to be placed forth.

Here we are to note 1. The kindes of thoſe duties.

2. The meanes of performing them.

The kindes may be drawne to two heads.

1. Prouiding fit places and callings for them to exerciſe their gifts.

2. Prouiding fit mariages for them.

We heard before how children were to be trained vp, and fitted to ſome good calling euen in their childhood. Now further, when by vertue of good education they are inabled to diſcharge the functions and duties of a calling, and by yeeres they are well growne vp, ſo as it is time they ſhould be ſet to ſome particular calling:

Parents ought to prouide fit callings for their children, and fit places for them to exerciſe the gifts which by nature or education they haue gotten. For example, If children haue beene brought vp in learning, parents muſt vſe what lawfull and honeſt meanes they can to ſettle them in ſuch a place and courſe as they may profeſſe and exerciſe their gifts, according to their ſeuerall kindes, be it Diuinitie, Law, Phyſicke, or the like: or if they haue beene brought vp in any trade, to prouide that they may ſet vp (as we ſpeake) and exerciſe their trade. The two firſt children that euer were borne of woman, Cain and Abel, were placed forth in ſeuerall callings; and without doubt their places were ſo ordered by their parents. The like may be gathered out of theſe phraſes, Eſau was a man of the field, and Iaakob dwelt intents. It is noted of Samuel, that he made his two ſonnes Iudges. Had they beene as faithfull in well vſing their places, as their father was carefull in prouiding them, they might haue liued well themſelues, and done much good to others. Iſhai hauing many ſonnes, had a care hereof: for he ſent his three eldeſt ſonnes to the war; and placed them in a ſouldiers courſe of life: his youngeſt he made a ſhepheard, which was in thoſe daies and places a calling of greater reckoning then now it is with vs.

1. Thus ſhall they make vſe of that abilitie whereunto by

their parents prouidence, and their owne diligence they haue attained: otherwiſe that abilitie may ſoone be loſt. Doth not daily experience ſhew that many who haue beene well trained vp by their parents in learning, ſo farre as they haue beene fit to haue entred into the miniſterie, for want of place and imploiment, haue in time ſo forgotten all, as if they had neuer beene trained vp in learning: and ſo in other ſciences.

2. Thus come they to doe much more good in Church or Common-wealth: till men be placed in diſtinct callings, they are but fitting and preparing for future times. I denie not but that both Church and Common-wealth may reape much benefit by the paines and labour of the younger ſort, who are trained vp vnder others: but moſt properly are they counted members of the Church and Common-wealth, and actuall inſtruments of the good thereof, who haue ſome particular diſtinct calling, whereby they doe good to others.

3. Thus they come to liue of themſelues, and to be able to releeue others alſo. All the time of their education, they are commonly at the charge of others: at leaſt, though by their paines they may gaine much, yet the gaine returnes to others: they themſelues for the moſt part haue but a bare maintenance, meat, drinke and cloth (as we ſay:) little haue they to lay vp for themſelues for the time to come, or to giue to others for the preſent.

4. They thus come to traine vp others againſt after times, as they themſelues haue beene trained vp: whereby a continuall and perpetuall ſucceſſion of all kindes of callings, is from time to time preſerued: and thus Family, Church, and Common-wealth vpheld and maintained. In ſhort time would all callings and functions vtterly decay, if a continuall ſupplie were not thus made.

§. 51. Direction for parents in prouiding callings for their children.

Two eſpeciall cautions are to be obſerued by parents in prouiding callings for their children.

1. That ſuch callings be prouided as their children haue beene trained vp vnto, and are in ſome meaſure fitted and enabled to performe the duties thereof: as to prouide a Miniſters

place for him that hath beene brought vp in learning and ſtudied diuinity: ſo in other callings ſuch, as their children may be their crafts-maſters therein. Thus ſhall their children doe the more good therein, both to others and themſelues. Bezaleel and Aholiab were choſen to build the tabernacle becauſe they were filled with wiſdome to worke all manner of worke: likewiſe the ſeruants of Hirom were choſen to hew Cedar trees for the temple, becauſe among the Iewes there were not any that

could skill to hew timber, like vnto the Sidonians. Pharaoh was carefull to haue men of actiuity rulers ouer his cattell.

2. That ſuch meanes be vſed for prouiding a calling as parents in vſing them may with faith call vpon God for his bleſſing. They that by lawfull meanes are brought into a calling whereunto they are fitted, are ſet therein by God, as is implied by this phraſe, as God hath called euery one, &c. A lawfull entrance into a calling is a matter of great moment: he that ſo entreth may in a right vſe thereof caſt himſelfe vpon Gods bleſſing, and with ſtrong confidence expect the ſame, ſaying as the Prophet did, Lord I haue not thruſt in my ſelfe thou

knoweſt.