§. 45. Of an husbands bearing with his wines infirmities. to §. 53. Of an husbands nigardlyneſſe to his wife.

§. 45. Of an husbands bearing with his wines infirmities.

Hither to of the husbands auoiding of offence, a word concerning his bearing with offence. A generall dutie it is, common to all of all ſorts, to beare one

anothers burden: in which extent euen a wife is to beare her huſbands burden, becauſe he, as euery one elſe, is ſubiect to ſlip and fall, and ſo hath need to be ſupported. Yet after a more ſpeciall and peculiar manner doth this dutie belong to an husband, and that in two reſpects.

1. Of the two, he is more bound then his wife, becauſe in relation to his wife he is the ſtronger: for ſhe is the weaker veſſell, 1. Pet. 3. 7. But the ſtrong are moſt bound to beare with the infirmities of the weake, Rom. 15. 1.

2. He is bound to beare with his wife more then with any other, becauſe of that neere coniunction which is betwixt them: he that cannot beare with his wife, his fleſh, can beare with no bodie. The reaſon alleaged by the Apoſtle to moue a man to dwell with his wife according to knowledge, and to giue honour to her, intimated in this phraſe, as to the weaker veſſell, ſheweth that this is a peculiar dutie belonging to an husband, wherein, and whereby he

may both manifeſt his knowledge and wiſdome, and alſo doe honour to his wife. For why is he put in minde of her weakneſſe, but to ſhew he ſhould beare with her?

As that phraſe intimateth the dutie, ſo alſo it intimateth a good reaſon to inforce it. For pretious things, whereof we make high account, the weaker they be, the more tenderly, and charily are they handled, as Cheney diſhes, and chriſtall glaſſes: and of all parts of the bodie, the eye is moſt tenderly handled. Now what things, what perſons are more deare and pretious then a wife? yet withall ſhe is a weake veſſell: therefore ſhe is much to be borne withall.

For an husbands better direction herein, difference muſt be made betwixt infirmities: for ſome are naturall imperfections, other are actuall tranſgreſſions. Naturall imperfections are inward, (as ſlowneſſe in conceit, dulneſſe in apprehenſion, ſhortneſſe of memorie, haſtineſſe in paſſion, &c.) or outward, (as lameneſſe, blindneſſe, deafneſſe, or any other defect, and deformitie of bodie.) Theſe infirmities ſhould breed pitie, compaſſion, commiſeration, yea and greater tenderneſſe and reſpect, but no offence. Note Abrahams example in this caſe: his wife was barren, yet he deſpiſed her not for it, nor vpbraided her with any ſuch thing.

Actuall tranſgreſſions are breaches of Gods law: whereof ſuch are here ment, as are moſt directly tending to his owne diſquiet, and diſaduantage, as ſhrewiſhneſſe, waiwardneſſe, niceneſſe, ſtubbornneſſe, &c. In the bearing of theſe muſt an husband eſpecially ſhew his wiſdome, and that ſundry wayes.

1. By vſing the beſt and mildeſt meanes he can to redreſſe them, as meeke admonition, ſeaſonable aduice, gentle intreatie, and compaſſionate affection. Elkanah ſuppoſing that his wife offended in her paſſion, thus dealt with her and ſupported her.

2. By remouing the ſtone whereat ſhe ſtumbleth, by taking away the occaſion (ſo far as conueniently he can) which maketh her offend. Thus Abram, and that by Gods aduice, put Hagar and her ſonne out of the houſe, becauſe they were an offence to Sarah.

3. By turning his eyes away (if the matter be not great, but ſuch as may be tolerated) and taking no notice of the offence, but rather paſſing by it, as if he perceiued it not. Solomon ſaith, that

it is a mans glory to paſſe ouer a tranſgreſſion: and he exhorteth a man not to giue his heart to all the words that men ſpeake.

4. By forgiuing and forgetting it (if notice be taken thereof.) Iaakob tooke notice of Rachels raſh, and froward demand, for he rebuked her for it: yet in that he readily yeelded to that which afterwards ſhe moued him vnto, it appeareth that he forgaue the offence, if not forgat it.

The beſt triall of a mans affection to his wife, and of his wiſdome in ordering the ſame, is in this point of bearing with offences. Not to be offended with a wife that giueth no offence is not praiſe-worthy: heathen men may goe ſo farre. Note what Chriſt ſaith of this caſe, If yee loue them which loue you, and doe good to

them that doe good to you, what thanks and reward haue ye? for publicans, and ſinners doe the ſame: but gently to forbeare, and wiſely to paſſe ouer offences when they are giuen, not to be prouoked when there is cauſe of prouocation miniſtred, is a true Chriſtian vertue, a vertue beſeeming husbands better then any other kinde of men.

§. 46. Of husbands teſtineſſe.

Contrary is teſtineſſe, and peeuiſhneſſe, when husbands are moued with the leaſt prouocation, like tinder catching fire at the leaſt ſparke that falleth vpon it: yea many are like gunpowder, which not only taketh fire, but alſo breaketh out into a violent flame, vpon the leaſt touch of fire: as gunpowder is dangerous to be kept in an houſe, ſo ſuch husbands to be ioyned ſo neerely to wiues as mariage ioyneth them. If it be ſaid, that as gunpowder doth no hurt, if fire come not at it; ſo they are good and kinde, if they be not prouoked and diſpleaſed. I anſwer, that we haue a prouerbe that ſaith, The deuill is good while he is pleaſed, yet it is not ſafe to haue the deuill too neere. It is as impoſſible (conſidering mans weakneſſe) that he ſhould liue and conuerſe with any, and not giue offence, as for flint ſtones long to beat and daſh againſt one another, & no ſparke of fire to come from them. How then may it be thought poſſible for a wife, who is ſo continually conuerſant with her husband, and the weaker veſſell, to liue without giuing him offence? It is no very kinde ſpeech, which huſbands vſe, eſpecially if they be told of their vnkindneſſe, Let my wife deſerue fauour, and ſhe ſhall haue it. How little fauour would

ſuch husbands haue of Chriſt their husband, if he ſhould be of that minde towards them?

Thus farre hath beene handled the firſt part of an husbands well managing his authoritie, by a tender reſpect of his wife.

The ſecond is a prouident care for her.

§. 46. Of an husbands prouident care for his wife.

An husband that tenderly reſpecteth his wife, but prouidently careth not for her, ſheweth more affection then diſcretion: he may haue a kinde heart, but he wants a wiſe head. How then can he be a good head vnto his wife? Some preſent contentment ſhe may haue by him: but ſmall profit and benefit can ſhe reape from him. Thoſe duties therefore which haue beene deliuered muſt be done, but theſe that follow muſt by no meanes be left vndone.

An husbands prouident care is noted in that office of Chriſt, wherein an husband reſembleth him, namely, to be a Sauiour of

the bodie, as hath beene before declared. It conſiſteth

• 1. In prouiding things needfull for his wife.

• 2. In protecting her from things hurtfull.

1. A carefull prouiding of things needfull, is a principall part of that honour, which husbands are to giue vnto their wiues. For where the Apoſtle ſaith, that Elders are worthy of double honour, he meaneth maintenance as well as reuerence. The Apoſtle counteth him worſe then an Infidell, that prouideth not for his owne, and ſpecially for thoſe of his owne houſe. Who are of an husbands houſe, if not his wife? in his houſe, who more properly his owne, then his wife? If then an husband prouide not for his wife, what is he to be accounted?

Great reaſon he ſhould prouide for her, becauſe he hath taken her from her parents and friends, and hath receiued that portion which they allotted her, and hath authoritie committed vnto him ouer her, and ſhe is put in ſubiection vnder him: her friends hauing giuen away her portion, and their power ouer her, and committed all to him, will take no further care for her: ſhe being in ſubiection vnder him cannot without him prouide for her ſelfe. Who then ſhall prouide for her if he doe not, whoſe wholy and only ſhe is?

Contrary is their minde, who take a wife only for their owne content, or delight, or gaine, and neuer thinke of that charge which together with a wife they take vpon them. According to their minde is their practiſe: for when they haue a wife they neglect her in euery thing but what may ſtand with their owne ends. Much haue they to anſwer for: and ſo much the more, becauſe a wife is an eſpeciall pledge of Gods fauour.

§. 47. Of an husbands prouiding meanes of ſpirituall ediſication for his wife.

In this prouident care which an husband ought to haue of

his wife, we will conſider the Extent thereof.

Continuance

It ought to extend both to her ſelfe, and to others.

In regard of her ſelfe, to her Soule.

Body.

For her Soule, meanes of ſpirituall edification muſt be provided, and thoſe both priuate and publike. Priuate meanes, are holy and religious exerciſes in the houſe, as reading the word, praier, catechiſing, and ſuch like; which being the ſpirituall food of the ſoule are to be euery day, as our bodily food, prouided and vſed. An husband as a maſter of a family muſt provide theſe for the good of his whole houſe; but as an husband, in ſpeciall for the good of his wife: for to his wife, as well as to the whole houſe he is a King, a Prieſt, and a Prophet.

By himſelfe therefore, for his wiues good, ought he to performe theſe things, or to prouide that they may be done by ſome other. C[gap]raelius himſelfe performed thoſe exerciſes. Micah hired a Leuite (though his Idolatry were euill, yet his care to haue a Leuite in his houſe was commendable.) The Shunemites husband prouided a chamber for the Prophet, and that eſpecially for his wiues ſake, for it was at her requeſt.

Publike meanes are the holy ordinances of God publikly performed by Gods Miniſter. The care of an husband for his wife in this reſpect is, ſo to order his habitation, and prouide other needfull things, as his wife may be made partaker thereof. It is expreſly noted of Elkanah that he ſo prouided for his wiues, that they went with him euery yeere to the houſe of God: the like is intimated of Ioſeph the husband of the virgin

Mary. In thoſe daies there was a publike place and houſe of God, whither all Gods people (how farre ſoeuer they dwelt from it) were to reſort euery yeere: the places where Elkanah and Ioſeph dwelt, were farre remote from the houſe of God, yet they ſo prouided, as not only themſelues, but their wiues alſo went to the publike worſhip of God. Now there are many houſes of God, places for the publike worſhip of God, but yet through the corruption of our times, the miniſtery of the word (the moſt principall meanes of ſpirituall edification) is not euery where to be enioyed: therefore ſuch ought an huſbands care for his wife in this reſpect to be, as to dwell where ſhe may haue the benefit of preaching the word, or elſe ſo to prouide for her, as ſhe may weekly goe where it may be had.

If men of wiſdome and abilitie make a purchaſe, or build an houſe for their habitation, they will be ſure it ſhall be where ſweet riuers and waters are, and good paſture ground, and where all needfull prouiſion may be had. Gods word preached is a ſpring of water of life; the place where it is preached a pleaſant, profitable paſture; all needfull prouiſion for the ſoule may there be had. Let this therefore be moſt of all inquired after: and no habitation ſetled but where this may be had.

§. 48. Of neglecting their wiues edification.

Contrary is their practiſe, who hauing their calling in places where the word is plentifull, yet vpon outward reſpects of pleaſure, delight, eaſe, and profit, remoue their families into remote places where preaching is ſcarce, if at all; and there leaue their wiues to gouerne the family, not regarding their want of the word, for as much as they themſelues oft comming to London or other like places by reaſon of their calling, enioy the word themſelues. Many Citizens, Lawyers, and others are guiltie of great neglect of their wiues in this reſpect.

So alſo are they, who abandon all religious exerciſes out of their houſes, making their houſes rather ſtewes of the deuill, then Churches of God. If for want of meanes, either publike or priuate, a wife liue and die in ignorance, profaneneſſe, infidelitie, and impenitencie, which cauſe eternall damnation,

aſſuredly her bloud ſhall be required at his hands: for an huſband is Gods watchman to his wife.

§. 49. Of an husbands prouiding things needfull for his wiues boay.

To the body alſo muſt an husbands prouident care of his wife extend: and that both in health and ſickneſſe. In health by prouiding ſuch things as are needfull to preſerue health, as competent food, raiment, and the like neceſſaries. Where the Prophet to aggrauate the miſery of the people ſaith, Seuen women ſhall take hold of one man, ſaying, We will eat our owne bread, and weare our owne apparell, only let vs be called by thy name, intimateth, that it was an husbands dutie to prouide bread and apparell, that is, all neceſſaries for his wife. Which the law alſo implieth, where it inioyneth him that taketh one wife vpon another, not to diminiſh the food and raiment of the former. In ſickneſſe ſuch things are to be prouided as are needfull either to recouer her health, or to comfort, cheriſh and refreſh her in her ſickneſſe.

This was before noted among common mutuall duties; for by vertue of the matrimoniall bond it belongeth both to man and wife: but to the man it appertaineth by vertue of that power and charge which he hath ouer his wife: and therefore it was needfull here to be touched.

§. 50. Of an husbands

prouident care for his wife about her child-bearing.

Moſt proper to this place is that prouident care which huſbands ought to haue of their wiues both before and in the time of their trauell and child-bed: and that in two things eſpecially.

1. In procuring for their wiues to the vttermoſt of their power and abilitie, ſuch things as may ſaue their longing, in caſe they doe long (as in all ages women in the time of breeding and bearing childe, haue beene ſubiect thereunto.) For it is well knowne, that it is very dangerous both for mother and childe to want her longing: the death ſometimes of the one, ſometimes of the other, ſometimes of both hath followed thereupon.

2. In prouiding ſuch things as are needfull for their trauell

and lying in childbed. This time is eſpecially to be prouided for, in many reſpects.

1. Becauſe it is a time of weakneſſe, wherein the woman cannot well prouide for her ſelfe.

2. Becauſe her weakneſſe is ioyned with much paine: the paine of a women in trauell is the greateſt paine that ordinarily is endured by any for the time: none know it ſo well as they that feele it: and many husbands becauſe they are not ſubiect thereto, thinke but lightly of it: but if we duly weigh that the holy Ghoſt when he would ſet forth the extremitie of any paines and pangs, reſembleth them to the paines of a woman in trauell, we may well gather, that of all they are the greateſt: which is further manifeſted by the ſcreekes and outcries which not only weake, and faint-hearted women vtter in the time of their trauell, but alſo are forced from the ſtrongeſt, and ſtouteſt women that be, and that though before hand they reſolue to the contrary. Neither may we wonder thereat; for their body is as it were ſet on a racke (if at leaſt the trauell be ſharpe) and all their parts ſo ſtretched, as a wonder it is they ſhould euer recouer their health and ſtrength againe: or that they ſhould hold out the brunt, and not die with their trauell, as Rachel, and the wife of Phinchas, and many in all ages haue done. Surely among ordinary deliuerances I know none ſo neere a miracle, none wherein the Almighty doth ſo euidently manifeſt his great power and good prouidence, as in the ſafe deliuerie of women. Beſides the great pang of trauell, women are alſo after their deliuerie ſubiect to many after-throws which are very painfull. From all theſe paines and great weakneſſe which befalleth women in childbed, eſpecially if they nurſe their children, men by reaſon of their ſex are freed: Now then to apply this point, ſeeing women are brought to ſuch paines and weakneſſe in bringing forth thoſe children which are the mans as well as hers, and he freed from all; is it not very iuſt and meet that he ſhould prouide all things needfull for her welfare, eaſe, and recouery of ſtrength?

3. Becauſe the want of things needfull is at that time very dangerous: dangerous to the health and life of the woman and childe alſo.

§. 51. Of neglecting wiues in their weakneſſe.

Contrary to an husbands prouident care in generall are thoſe vices which were taxed in the treatiſe of common duties, as grudging at the charges beſtowed on a wife: Couetouſneſſe, Prodigality, and Idleneſſe.

But contrary in particular to an husbands care for his wife in childbed, is the inhumane and more then barbarous vnkindneſſe of many husbands, who no whit conſider the weakneſſe of their wiues in this caſe, to helpe, eaſe, and comfort them, but rather make their burden much more heauy. For,

1. Some through couetouſneſſe refuſe before hand to afford meanes to their wife to prouide ſuch things as are needfull for her ſelfe and child: & when the time commeth, if their wife be deſirous of a Midwife that requireth ſomwhat more charges then ſhe that is next, ſhe ſhall haue none if ſhe will not haue the next. And as for a nurſe to tend her, they thinke their Maid will ſerue the turne wel enough: they need not be at the charges to bring a Nurſe into the houſe. In regard of conuenient lodging ſome will not ſticke to ſay, Cannot my wife be brought to bed in a roome without a chimney as well as the Virgin Mary? Why ſhould my wife need more things then ſhe did? Yea further there be many that whē the time that their wife ſhould be deliuered approacheth neere, carie her from al her friends into a place where ſhe is not knowne, leſt her friends ſhould by importunity draw him to expend and lay out more vpon his wife then he is willing. In the time while their wife is weake in childbed, many are loath to allow them any other diet then is for themſelues and children prouided in the houſe, not conſidering that her ſtomach cannot be like theirs.

Many other ſuch bitter fruits of vnkinde husbands ariſing from couetouſneſſe might be reckoned vp, whereby husbands plainely ſhew that they loue their wealth better then their wiues: they had rather loſe them, then part with that.

2. Others through iealous ſuſpicion forbeare not euen in the time of their wiues paine and weakneſſe, to vpbraid them with lightneſſe, and to ſay that the childe is none of theirs. To lay this to a wiues charge vniuſtly, is at any time a moſt ſhamefull and odious reproach: but in the time of childebirth

whether iuſt or vniuſt, a thing too too ſpightfull and reuengefull. Some wiues are ſo farre ouercome thereby, (eſpecially in the time of their weakneſſe) as they are not able to beare it, but euen faint and die vnder the reproach: others more ſtout vow neuer to know their husbands againe. Many like miſchiefes follow on ſuch vnkindneſſe.

§. 52. Of an husbands

prouiding for his wife according to his eſtate and abilitie.

In an husbands prouiding for the body of his wife reſpect muſt be had to the meaſure, and to the manner.

The meaſure muſt extend to his ability: for an husband ought to maintaine his wife in as good an eſtate and faſhion as himſelfe; by mariage ſhe is aduanced to as high an eſtate, and dignity in relation to others as he is: and for her owne vſe ſhe is made a partner of all his goods, and accordingly ought to partake thereof.

For the manner, he muſt ſuffer her (if at leaſt he obſerue her to haue any competent diſcretion) to order ſuch things as are needfull for her ſelfe according to her beſt liking: as Elkanah in another caſe ſaid to his wife, Doe what ſeemeth thee beſt.

Both in the meaſure and in the manner of prouiding, there muſt be a difference put betwixt a wife, and ſeruants or children. Theſe may haue their portions of meat, apparrell, and like neceſſaries, proportioned out and ſtinted vnto them, which is vnmeet to be done to a wife. Neither is it needfull that ſo plentifull a prouiſion be made for them as for her.

§. 53. Of an husbands nigardlyneſſe to his wife.

Contrary is an husbands nigardly dealing with his wife: when the allowance ſhe hath is both farre vnder his eſtate, and alſo ſo giuen her by little and little, as if ſhe were a childe. Many husbands make their wiues drudge at home, fare hardly, and goe meanly; who are themſelues braue in apparrell, frolicke in their feaſting abroad, and ſo exceed their wiues as they are aſhamed to be ſeene in company with them. They who marry their maids, or others of meaner ranke then themſelues, oft ſo deale with them: eſteeming them but as ſeruants and meane perſons though they be their wiues. But it hath beene before ſhewed, that wiues by marriage are aduanced to their

husbands dignity, how meane ſoeuer they were before.