§. 13. Of contentions betwixt man and wife. to §. 22. Of husbands and wiues mutuall care for one anothers ſaluation.

§. 13. Of contentions betwixt man and wife.

Contrary to mutuall peace are contentions betwixt man and wife: which are too frequent in moſt families, and by which the common good is much hindered. Diſcord betwixt man and wife in an houſe is as contention betwixt the maſter and pilot in a ſhip: may not great danger, and much miſchiefe be thence iuſtly feared? We heard before that man to his wife, and ſhe to him, is as an hauen. Now by experience we finde that if the hauen be tempeſtuous it is much more troubleſome, and dangerous to the Mariner then the wide ſea. Wherefore let man and wife be of the ſame minde one to another as Abraham was to Lot, and when occaſions of diſcord are offered, ſay, Let there be no ſtrife betwixt thee and me, for we are man and wife: no more two, but one fleſh.

§. 14. Of husbands and wiues dwelling together.

From a mutuall affection of loue proceedeth a mutuall prouident care in husband and wife one for another. In handling whereof we will firſt note the meanes whereby their mutuall prouidence may be the better effected and manifeſted, and then the matter whereabout it muſt be conuerſant. The meanes in one word is cohabitation. For a dutie it is that man and wife dwell together. The phraſe vſed in ſetting out the womans creation (he built a woman, whereby the erecting of a family is intimated) implieth as much: ſo doth the law of mariage whereby man is enioyned to leaue father and mother, and to cleaue vnto his wife, that is, to goe out of his fathers houſe, and to dwell with his wife: and ſo doth this phraſe (forget

thy fathers houſe) taken from the dutie of a wife, and myſtically applied to the Church. Saint Peter expreſly chargeth huſbands to dwell with their wiues: and Saint Paul layeth it to the charge both of husbands and wiues not to leaue one another, but to dwell together, yea though the one be an infidell. Surely it was conſcience of this dutie which made the Leuite to goe after his wife, that went away from him, to bring her home againe: and which made Iaakobs wiues to leaue their fathers houſe, and goe with their husband. The word vnder which Saint Peter compriſeth this dutie is a title appropriated to an husband: and an anſwerable title is appropriated to

a wife: from which the notation of our two vſuall Engliſh words (husband, houſewife) doth not much differ.

The power which the one hath of the others body, and the aduantage which by liuing aſunder, they giue vnto Satan, (both of which are expreſly noted, 1 Cor. 7. 4, 5.) doe ſhew the neceſſity of this dutie: and the many benefits ariſing from thence doe further preſſe the equity of it. By husbands and wiues dwelling together all mariage duties are better performed: mutuall loue is better bred, preſerued, and increaſed: the good gifts of either of them are better obſerued by the other: better helpe and ſuccour is mutually by each afforded to the other: and in fine they are made more capable of doing good one to another, and of receiuing good one from another. Why then ſhould they haue any minde of liuing aſunder, vnleſſe they be forced by extraordinary occaſions, as captiuity, cloſe impriſonment, contagious ſickneſſe, and ſuch like, which are no faults of theirs, but croſſes to be borne with griefe; and inſtant praier, together with all other good meanes, to be vſed to bring them together againe? Yea if the impriſonment, baniſhment, or other like kinde of abſence, be ſuch as one may if they will come at the other, the partie that is free ought to come to the other, if at leaſt that other require it.

Queſt. May there be any iuſt cauſes for man and wife willingly to liue aſunder?

Anſw. There can nor ought to be any cauſe of vtter relinquiſhing one another, which is a kinde of deſertion: but for liuing aſunder for a time there may be iuſt cauſes, as

1. Weighty and vrgent affaires which concerne the good of the Church, or commonwealth: as when a man is ſent forth to warre, or on an ambaſſage (in which caſe though he may take his wife with him, yet is he not neceſſarily bound there to, eſpecially if the place whither he is ſent be farre off, the paſſage thereto difficult and dangerous, and his abode there not long.) When Reuben, Gad, and halfe the tribe of Manaſſch paſſed ouer Iorden to helpe their brethren in their battels

againſt the Canaanites, they left their wiues behinde them in their families: when Vriah went to warre, he left his wife at home: and when Moſes was to bring Iſrael out of Egypt, his wife remained at her fathers houſe.

2. Maine duties of their particular calling: as of Mariners, who are oft to be on the ſea: Merchants who trade in other countries: Lawyers who attend publike places of iuſtice: Courtiers, who in their months, or quarters, attend their Prince: Keepers of women in child-bed, and ſicke perſons: and other nurſes.

Prouided alwaies that in theſe, and other like caſes, there be a ioynt and mutuall conſent of both parties: for if man and wife may not defraud one another for a time to giue themſelues to faſting and praier without conſent: much leſſe may they for lighter occaſions liue any time aſunder without conſent. Prouided alſo that they take no delight to liue aſunder, but rather be grieued that they are forced ſo to doe: and in teſtimony thereof to take all occaſions that they can to manifeſt their longing deſire one after another by letters, meſſages, tokens, and other like kindneſſes: and to returne with all the ſpeed they can. No diſtance, or abſence ought any whit to diminiſh their mutuall loue.

§. 16. Of the errour of Papiſts about man and wifes ſeparation.

Contrarie to the dutie of cohabitation is the doctrine of Papiſts, whereby they teach, that

Separation may be made betwixt man and wife for many cauſes from bed, or cohabitation, for a certaine or vncertaine time. The Councell of Trent is bold to denounce Anathema againſt ſuch as ſay, the Church erreth therein. If the many cauſes which they alledge, beſides adulterie, be well weighed, we ſhall finde them without all warrant of Gods word. They draw them to two heads, 1. Mutuall conſent. 2. Demerit.

By conſent (ſay they) of both parties maried to attaine a greater and perfecter estate, mariage conſummate may be looſed from bed and cohabitation.

Anſw. 1. In mariage there is a couenant of God (Prou. 2. 17.)

as well as of the two parties: the conſent therefore of parties is not ſufficient to breake it.

2. No eſtate in this world can be greater or perfecter then is meet for maried perſons. Adam and Eue in their beſt eſtate were maried: and now is mariage honourable in all.

3. The eſtates which they count more perfect, are either ſuch as are not in mans power (as perpetuall continencie) or ſuch as may be as well performed by maried perſons as by ſingle perſons (as Eccleſiaſticall functions) if at leaſt they be ſuch as are warranted by Gods word. High Prieſts, and other Prieſts, all ſorts of Leuites, extraordinarie Prophets and Apoſtles were maried. What greater functions then theſe?

The cauſes which for demerit, they ſay, make a ſeparation, [gap]re 1. Adulterie. 2. Departing from the Catholike faith. 3. Soli [gap]iting or impelling vnto ſinne.

Concerning Adulterie, we denie not, but that it giueth [gap]uſt cauſe of diuorce: but withall we ſay (as we haue good warrant from Chriſts words) that it is the only cauſe of iuſt di [gap]orce. For to make a ſeparation for departing from the Catholike faith, is directly contrarie to S. Pauls and S. Peters doctrine, 1 Cor. 7. 12, 13, 14. 1 Pet. 3. 1.

As for ſoliciting and impelling vnto ſinne, though it may be cauſe to moue an husband or a wife to walke more warily and wiſely, and in extremitie to auoid ſocietie for a time, or to com [gap]laine to the Magiſtrate for releefe, who may ſee it meet to lay [gap]he delinquent perſon in priſon, or elſe otherwiſe keepe them ſunder till that delinquent be reclaimed and brought to a better minde: yet is it no ſufficient cauſe finally to diſſolue ma [gap]age in regard of bed and cohabitation.

They vrge that if the right eye cauſe to offend, it muſt be pluc [gap]d out.

Anſ. 1. That is but a metaphor, and may ſundry other wayes [gap] applied.

2. The words are not ſimply, but by way of compariſon to [gap]e taken, rather plucke it out, then to be made to ſtumble thereby.

3. Plucking out, applied to the point in hand, may be by [gap]any other wayes, then by diſſoluing mariage.

4. That generall inhibition (whoſoeuer ſhall put away his wife,

cauſeth her to commit adulterie) reſtrained only with the exception of fornication, admitteth neither this, nor any other ſuch cauſe of diſſoluing mariage.

§. 17. Of husbands and wiues vnlawfull abſenting themſelues one from another.

Contrarie alſo to the forenamed dutie of cohabitation, is the practiſe of many men, who liuing themſelues in one place (ſuppoſe at London) ſend their wiues vnto ſome countrey houſe, and there euen mew them vp, as Hawkes, neuer caring to come at them, but are then moſt merrie, when their wiues are fartheſt off. If their wiues liue at home they will be abroad, mealing and lodging where their wiues ſhall not know: their owne houſe is as a priſon to them: they are not well, but when they are out of it. Of the like lewd conceit and practife are many wiues, who on no other occaſion then meere lightneſſe, being eager in purſuing their pleaſures, and ſatisfying their luſts, gad out of their owne houſes in the day, lie out of them in the night, and remaine in other company dayes and nights: or at leaſt are glad when their husbands haue occaſion to be from home; not vnlike to the light huſwife which Salomon deſcribeth, Prou. 7. 10. &c. I ſpeake of matters too famous, or rather infamous. I would there were no iuſt cauſe to taxe this lightneſſe. But let ſuch as deſire to approue themſelues to God or man, take heed of theſe hainous and more then heatheniſh vices. Though Iſrael play the harlot, yet let not Iudah

offend.

Too neere to the forenamed kinde of vnlawfull ſeparation doe they come, who though they liue both in one houſe, yet make that houſe by their eſtranging themſelues one from another as two houſes: the man abiding in one end thereof, his wife in another: and ſo haue their ſeuerall roomes, ſeuerall tables, ſeuerall ſeruants, all ſeuerall: Or if the ſtraitneſſe of their houſe will not ſuffer them ſo to part other roomes, yet they will haue ſeuerall bed-chambers, or at leaſt ſeuerall beds: ſo as they that ſhall call them bed-fellowes, ſhall but nicke-name them. Thus they rob each other of that due beneuolence which they mutually owe one to another, they expoſe themſelues to the deuils ſnares, they more and more eſtrange their

hearts one from another, and depriue themſelues of ſuch mutuall comforts and helpes, as by matrimoniall ſocietie they might afford to, and receiue from one another.

§. 18. Of husbands and wiues mutuall prayers.

The matter whereabout husbands and wiues mutuall prouidence ought to be conuerſant, is in generall the good of one another; that each of them doe that for the other, which Salomon in particular applieth to a wife, viz. good and not euill all

the dayes of their life. Now the good of man extendeth to his ſoule, bodie, good name, and goods.

A generall dutie tending to the good of all theſe is prayer.

S. Peter requireth ſuch a cariage of man and wife one towards another, as their prayers be not hindred: whereby he taketh it for grant, that prayer is a mutuall dutie which one oweth to the other: which dutie Iſaak performed for his wife. Herein may man and wife be helpfull each to other in all things needfull to either of them: for it is the meanes which God in wiſdome hath ſanctified for the obtaining of euerie needfull bleſsing for ourſelues or others. By many it is counted but a ſlight dutie and of ſmall vſe; but the truth is, that to performe it aright, in truth and faith, is both difficult in the deed, and powerfull in the effect. It is the beſt dutie that one can performe for another, and the leaſt to be neglected. We heard before, that Iſaak prayed for his wife: and to ſhew the good he did to her thereby, it is noted, that the Lord was intreated of him: ſo as ſhe, being barren before, by that meanes conceiued. All the phyſicke in the world could not haue done her ſo much good. Alwayes therefore, without ceasing is this dutie to be performed. Whenſoeuer man and wife make any prayer, therein they muſt be mindfull of one another: yea and oft muſt they of purpoſe take occaſion to make prayers in ſpeciall one for another: and that both in abſence, and alſo in preſence of one another.

This latter doth eſpecially concerne the husband, who is as a Prieſt vnto his wife, and ought to be her mouth to God when they two are together: yet I doubt not, but that the wife may pray in the husbands preſence when they two are alone, [gap]ither for triall (that he may haue knowledge of her abilitie and gift in that kinde) or for helpe (if the wife be much better

able to performe that duty then the man is, as many wiues are.) Not without cauſe therefore haue I reckoned this among common mutuall duties.

§. 19. Of the things for which husbands and wiues are to pray alone.

There are ſundry needfull bleſſings which husbands and wiues are to pray for that appertaine only to themſelues, and are moſt meet to be mentioned in priuate praier betwixt themſelues, as

1. That as they two are one fleſh, ſo they may be alſo one ſpirit: that their hearts may be as one, knit together by a true, ſpirituall, matrimoniall loue: alwayes delighting one in another, euer helpfull one to another, and readie with all willingneſſe and cheerefulneſſe to performe all thoſe duties which they owe one to another.

2. That their mariage bed may be ſanctified: and as it is by Gods ordinance, ſo it may remaine to them by their well vſing it, a bed vndefiled. There is no other thing, for which mutuall prayer in priuate betwixt man and wife is more needfull: and that ſo much the rather, becauſe of the naturall heat of luſt which is in moſt: which if it be not by prayer (the beſt meanes for that purpoſe) aſſwaged, it may proue a defilement of the vndefiled bed: and man and wife become adulterers one to another. As other things, ſo this alſo is ſanctified by the word and praier. The word giueth a warrant and direction for the vſe of it: praier both ſeaſoneth it, and procureth a bleſſing vpon it.

3. That they may haue children, and thoſe ſuch as may be heires of ſaluation, and liue in this world to their owne and others good: that they may be comely and well proportioned children: nor ideots in vnderſtanding, nor monſters in bodily ſhape, nor yet lewd and infamous in their liues: which could not but be a griefe to their parents, and might alſo open the mouthes of the wicked againſt them.

4. That God would giue them competencie of this worlds goods, and other good meanes well to nouriſh, nurture, and place forth their children: and a ſufficiencie for the maintenance

of their family, and of that eſtate wherein God ſetteth them.

5. That ſuch needfull gifts and graces as are wanting in either of them may be wrought: and ſuch vices and infirmities as they are ſubiect vnto may be redreſſed.

Theſe and many other like things giue occaſion to man and wife in ſpeciall manner to pray one for another, and one with another.

§. 20. Of husbands and wiues hatefull imprecations and wiſhes one againſt another.

Contrary to that holy and heauenly dutie of praier are thoſe direfull and helliſh imprecations and execrations, which ordinarily doe paſſe out of the mouthes of many husbands and wiues againſt one another (and that many times for very light occaſions) curſing the day that euer they knew one another, and wiſhing that one of them had beene vnder the ground before they came together. Moſt odious are theſe and ſuch like execrations in any mans mouth, but more then moſt odious in the mouth of man and wife againſt one another.

Many who for outward ſhame for beare to belch forth ſuch [gap]rotten ſtinking ſpeech, make ſmall conſcience of wiſhing the like in their hearts. If an husband be any whit harſh, and a wife ſhrewiſh: or if through ſickneſſe, or any other like occaſion they ſeeme burdenſome each to other: or if any diſlike of one ariſe in the heart of the other: or if their hearts be ſet vpon others: or if the ſuruiuor be to carry away the goods and [gap]ands, their hearts will be filled with a thouſand wiſhes of one anothers death. Yea, many times ſuch as haue very good huſbands or wiues, without any ſhew of reaſon (only through an inward corrupton of their heart, and malicious inſtigation of Satan, not taking notice of their owne good) are ready to wiſh they were in heauen: making thereby a pretence of their eternall bliſſe to whom they ſo wiſh, whereas indeed their only deſire is to be looſed and freed from them. God oft meets with ſuch wicked wiſhers (whereby he ſheweth how hatefull ſuch wiſhes are to him) for ſometimes according to their wiſh he taketh away good husbands and wiues from thoſe that are euill: and when they are gone he maketh their loſſe to be ſo

ſenſibly felt, as thoſe vngodly wiſhers doe, (as we ſpeake) in euery veine of their heart repent them of their raſh wiſhes. Yea, to aggrauate their wretchedneſſe the more, he giueth them ſuch crabbed and peruerſe husbands and wiues in the roome and ſtead of thoſe good ones (for ſeldome comes a better) as they are forced with many deepe ſighs and groanes to wiſh (but all in vaine) their former wiues and husbands aliue againe, and ſo to verifie the prouerbe, A good thing is not ſo well diſcerned by enioying, as by wanting it. Sometimes againe God in anger croſſeth their wiſhes, and firſt taketh away the wiſhers of others death: or elſe prolongeth the life of both to their greater vexation.

§. 21. Of husbands and wiues neglect of mutuall praier.

The very neglect of mutuall prayer in husbands and wiues for each other is alſo a ſinne contrary to the forenamed dutie of praier: whereof if all that are guiltie were as well knowne to man as to God, how many vnkinde husbands and wiues careleſſe of one anothers good would be noted, more then are? Rare are thoſe husbands and wiues, that haue their ſeaſons to pray alone together one with another, if euer they pray one for another. Though in outward complements they may ſeeme very kinde, and in the outward things of this world, very prouident, yet if they pray not one for another, they are neither kinde, nor prouident. Heartie, feruent, frequent prayer is the greateſt token of kindneſſe, and beſt part of prouidence that can be.

§. 22. Of husbands and wiues mutuall care for one anothers ſaluation.

From the generall dutie of praier which is profitable to all things, I come to the particular branches of man and wiues mutuall prouident care: and will firſt begin with that which is firſt to be ſought, the good of one anothers ſoule: which the Apoſtle intimateth to be a thing to be ſought after, where he ſaith, What knoweſt thou, ô wife, whether thou ſhalt SAVE thine husband, or what knoweſt thou, ô man, whether thou ſhalt SAVE thy wife?

S. Peter enioyneth wiues to doe their endeuour to win their husbands: and S. Paul ſetteth before huſbands

the patterne of Chriſts loue, which had eſpeciall reſpect to the ſoule and the ſaluation thereof: ſo as this is a mutuall dutie appertaining to them both, which S. Peter further implieth where he ſtileth them coheires of the grace of life.

It is the greateſt good that one can poſſibly doe for another, to be a meanes of helping forward his ſaluation. And there is nothing that can more ſoundly and firmely knit the heart of one to another, then to be a meanes thereof.