§. 14. Of husbands ſleighting and reiecting their wiues goodneſſe. to §. 20. Of Husbands encouraging their wiues in good things.

§. 14. Of husbands ſleighting and reiecting their wiues goodneſſe.

Contrary is their practiſe who thinking all which a wife doth to be but her duty, take little or no notice thereof; or if they cannot but take notice of it, yet lightly regard it, and ſleightly paſſe it ouer. This oftentimes maketh a wife euen repent the good ſhe hath done, as Dauid repented the ſeruice which he had done for Nabal. The truth is that wiues ought rather to looke vnto God for his acceptation then vnto their husbands: and though their husbands will take no notice, or not regard what good thing they doe, yet for conſcience ſake, and for the Lords ſake to doe their duty: But yet notwithſtanding conſidering our weakneſſe and backwardneſſe vnto euery duty, it can not be denied but that an husbands ſleight regarding of his wiues goodneſſe is an occaſion to make her weary thereof: and that he doth as much as in him lieth to make her repent thereof.

But what may we ſay of ſuch as ſcornfully reiect their wiues duty, yea like them the worſe for making conſcience thereof,

and ſo (cleane contrary to the rule of chriſtianitie) ouercome goodneſſe with euill? Surely they ſhew a very diabolicall ſpirit to be in them: and cannot but miniſter much griefe, and offence to their wiues, and make that which they doe to be very irkſome and tedious. Fathers ought not to prouoke their children, much leſſe husbands their wiues.

§. 15. Of husbands

courteous accepting their wiues reuerend cariage.

For the better conceiuing of this ſo needfull a point I will ſomewhat more particularly and diſtinctly applie the ſame to the ſeuerall duties of a wife: which were drawne to two heads

Reuerence.

Obedience.

For the firſt, if a wife manifeſt her dutifull reſpect of her husband by any reuerend behauiour, geſture, or ſpeech, he ought to meet her (as we ſay) in the middeſt of the way, and manifeſt his gratious acceptance thereof by ſome like courteous behauiour, geſture, and ſpeech, being ſeemely, not fooliſh.

Obiect. Thus ſhall an husband abaſe himſelfe, and diſgrace his place.

Anſw. The courteſie which I ſpeake of as it commeth from a ſuperiour, being a meere voluntary matter and a token of kindneſſe and fauour, is no abaſement of himſelfe, but an aduancement of his inferiour: a great grace to her, no diſgrace to him. Abram was counted of the Hittits a Prince of

God, yet in communing with them he bowed vnto them. It is noted as a commendable thing in Eſau, that though at that time he was his brothers ſuperiour (at leaſt he tooke himſelfe ſo to be) yet obſeruing how Iaakob reuerenced him, bowing ſeuen times to the ground, he ranne to meet him, and embraced

him, and fell on his necke. Moſt pertinent to the point is the example of King Ahaſhveroſh, who beholding Eſthers reuerend ſtanding before him, held out his Scepter vnto her, which in a King is great courteſie.

But to put the matter out of all queſtion, let the example of Chriſt noted in Salomons ſong be obſerued, and we ſhall finde his courteſie euery way anſwering the reuerence of his Spouſe.

§. 15. Of husbands too great loftineſſe.

Contrary is a loftie carriage of husbands to their wiues, who ouerlooke all reuerence ſhewed by wiues, no more reſpecting their wiues in this caſe, then children or ſeruants: or then Kings doe reſpect the reuerence of their ſubiects.

Oft haue I noted that there is a great difference betwixt a wife and all other inferiours, in which reſpect all euidences of reuerence ſhould much better be reſpected; yet we know that Kings and Queenes will put out their hands to be kiſſed by their ſubiects when they kneele before them, which is a token of courteſie: how much more ought husbands to ſhew courteſie? Vnworthy they are to be reuerenced of their wiues, who too Lord-like ouerlooke them.

§. 16. Of husbands

ready yeelding to their wiues humble ſuits.

Againe, it being a token of reuerence in a wife humbly to make knowne her deſire to her husband, he ought to ſhew ſo much courteſie as readily to grant her deſire: this courteſie the forenamed Ahaſhueroſh afforded to Eſther:

Dauid to Bathſheba:

Iſaak to Rebekah:

Abraham to Sarah, and many other husbands to their wiues. Abraham ſhewed herein ſuch reſpect to his wife, that though the thing which ſhe deſired were grieuous to him, yet he yeelded to his wife.

Obiect. God firſt commanded him ſo to doe.

Anſw. This addeth the more force vnto the argument, ſhewing that it is Gods expreſſe will, that an husband ſhould ſhew this kinde of courteſie to his wife. Much more ought a man to doe at his wiues requeſt then at any others, whether friend, childe, or parent: yea much more free, forward and cheerefull ought he to ſhew himſelfe in granting his wiues requeſt then any others: prouided notwithſtanding that her deſire be of that which may lawfully be granted: to yeeld in things vnlawfull is to loſe his authoritie, as was ſhewed before.

§. 17. Of husbands harſhneſſe to their wiues.

Contrary is the harſhneſſe of their diſpoſition who yeeld to their wiues requeſt as an hard-milch-cow letteth downe her milke, not without much adoe: whereby the grace of all their

yeelding is taken away. There can be no courteſie in yeelding, when it is againſt their minde and will forced from them: their wiues muſt aske, and intreat againe and againe, yea be forced to vſe the mediation of others to perſwade their huſbands to yeeld to their requeſt before they will yeeld, if at all they yeeld. What is this but to proclaime to all the world that there is no affection in them to their wiues? If a wiues breath be ſtrange to her husband, aſſuredly his heart is firſt ſtrange to her: which is the readie way to make him ſet his heart on ſtrange women.

§. 18. Of husbands

forbearing to exact all that they may.

As a wiues reuerence ſo alſo her obedience muſt be anſwered with her husbands courteſie. In teſtimony whereof, An huſband

muſt be ready to accept that wherein his wife ſheweth her ſelfe willing to obey him. He ought to be ſparing in exacting too much of her: in this caſe he ought ſo to frame his cariage towards her, as that obedience which ſhe performeth, may rather come from her owne voluntary diſpoſition, from a free conſcience to God-wards, euen becauſe God hath placed her in a place of ſubiection, and from a wiue-like loue, then from any exaction on her husbands part, and as it were by force.

Husbands ought not to exact of their wiues, whatſoeuer wiues ought to yeeld vnto if it be exacted. They muſt obſerue what is lawfull, needfull, conuenient, expedient, fit for their wiues to doe, yea and what they are moſt willing to doe before they be too peremptorie in exacting it. For example.

1. Though the wife ought to goe with her husband, and dwell where he thinkes meet, yet ought not he (vnleſſe by vertue of ſome vrgent calling he be forced thereto) remoue her from place to place, and carrie her from that place where ſhe is well ſetled without her good liking. Iaakob conſulted with his wiues, and made try all of their willingneſſe, before he carried them from their fathers houſe.

2. Though ſhe ought cheerefully to entertaine what gueſts he bringeth into the houſe, yet ought not he to be grieuous and burdenſome therein vnto her: the greateſt care and pains for entertaining gueſts lyeth on the wife: ſhe ought therefore to be tendred therein.

If he obſerue her conſcionable and wiſe, well able to manage and order matters about houſe, yet loth to doe any thing without his conſent, he ought to be ready and free in yeelding his conſent, and ſatisfying her deſire, as , Elkanah: and if ſhe be baſhfull and backward in asking conſent, he ought voluntarily of himſelfe to offer it: yea and to giue her a generall conſent to order and diſpoſe matters as in her wiſdome ſhe ſeeth meet, as the ſaid Elkanah did: (Doe (ſaith he to his wife) what ſeemeth thee good:) and the husband of that good houſewife which Salomon deſcribeth.

A generall conſent is eſpecially requiſite for ordering of houſhold affaires: for it is a charge laid vpon wiues to guide the houſe: whereby it appeareth that the buſineſſes of the houſe appertaine, and are moſt proper to the wife: in which reſpect ſhe is called the houſ-wife: ſo as therein husbands ought to referre matters to their ordering, and not reſtraine them in euery particular matter from doing any thing without a ſpeciall licence and direction. To exemplifie this in ſome particulars, it appertaineth in peculiar to a wife,

• 1. To order the decking and trimming of the houſe.

• 2. To diſpoſe the ordinary prouiſion for the family.

• 3. To rule and gouerne maid ſeruants.

• 4. To bring vp children while they are young, with the like. Theſe therefore ought he with a generall conſent to referre to her diſcretion: with limitation only of theſe two cautions.

1. That ſhe haue in ſome meaſure ſufficient diſcretion, wit, and wiſdome, and be not too ignorant, fooliſh, ſimple, lauiſh, &c.

2. That he haue a generall ouerſight in all, and ſo interpoſe his authority as he ſuffer nothing that is vnlawfull or vnſeemly to be done by his wife about houſe, children, ſeruants, or other things: for

• 1. The generall charge of all lieth principally vpon him.

• 2. He ſhall giue an account vnto God for all things that are amiſſe in his houſe.

3. The blame of all will alſo before men lie vpon him.

But thoſe two cautions prouided, he ought together with

his generall conſent put truſt in his wife, (as Potiphar did in Ioſeph) making herein a difference betwixt a wife, and all others whether children of yeeres, friends, or ſeruants whom he imployeth in his affaires. Them in euery particular he may direct for matter and manner, and take a ſtrait account of them for expences laid out, or other things done: becauſe what they doe is wholly and only for another. To his wife (who is a ioynt parent of his children, and gouernour of his houſe, to whoſe good the husbands wealth redoundeth, and in that reſpect doth for her ſelfe that which ſhe doth for her husband) greater liberty, and licence muſt be giuen.

§. 19. Of husbands too much ſtrictneſſe towards their wiues.

Contrary is the rigour and auſteritie of many husbands, who ſtand vpon the vttermoſt ſtep of their authoritie, and yeeld no more to a wife then to any other inferiour. Such are they

1. Who are neuer contented or ſatisfied with any dutie the wife performeth, but euer are exacting more and more.

2. Who care not how grieuous and burdenſome they are to their wiues: grieuous by bringing ſuch gueſts into the houſe as they know cannot be welcome to them: burdenſome by tu frequent, and vnſeaſonable inuiting of gueſts, or impoſing other like extraordinary buſineſſes, ouer and aboue the ordinary affaires of the houſe. Too frequent impoſing of ſuch things, cannot but breed much weariſomneſſe. Vnſeaſonable (as when the wife is weake by ſickneſſe, childe-bearing, giuing ſucke or other like meanes, and ſo not able to giue that contentment which otherwiſe ſhe would) cannot but much diſquiet her, and giue her great offence.

3. Who hold their wiues vnder as if they were children or ſeruants, reſtraining them from doing any thing without their knowledge and particular expreſſe conſent.

4. Who are ouer buſie in prying into euery buſineſſe of the houſe, and will haue their hand in all. Beſides that ſuch huſbands afford no opportunity to their wiues of giuing proofe of that vnderſtanding, wit, wiſdome, care, and other gifts which God hath endowed them withall, they take away that maine end for which a wife was giuen a man, namely, to be a[gap]

helpe. Such husbands cannot but neglect other more weighty matters, which more properly belong vnto them. For obſerue it and you ſhall finde, that ſuch husbands as are moſt buſie about the priuate affaires of the houſe appertaining to their wiues, are moſt negligent of ſuch affaires as appertaine vnto themſelues: they thinke they walke in integrity, but yet are they not iuſt nor wiſe therein: for the iuſt man walketh in HIS integrity, and the wiſdome of the prudent is to vnderſtand HIS way: (i.) that integrity which appertaineth to his owne peculiar place; and his owne way: but euery foole will be medling, namely, with things not belonging to his place.

5. Who are ouer ſuſpicious of their wiues, and thereupon ouer ſtrickt in taking account of them. S. Paul calleth ſurmizes euill, and that not without iuſt cauſe: for euill they are in their nature, and euill in their effects, being occaſions of many miſchiefes: but in none ſo euill as in husbands ouer their wiues. If a wiues fidelity (to whoſe good the welfare of the family, and increaſe of the ſtocke redoundeth as well as to the huſbands) be without iuſt cauſe ſuſpected, who ſhall be truſted? It is the ouerthrow of many families, that ſeruants are truſted, and not wiues.

Thus farre of an husbands kinde acceptance of that which his wife is willing and able to doe.

§. 20. Of Husbands encouraging their wiues in good things.

The loue which an husband oweth to his wife, further re [gap]uireth that he wiſely commend and reward what ſhe hath well [gap]one. That which the Apoſtle faith of the Magiſtrates authority, may fitly be applied to an husbands in relation to his wife, Doe that which is good, and thou ſhalt haue praiſe of the ſame. It is expreſly noted in the deſcription of a good husband, [gap]hat he praiſeth his wife: and in that he ſaith, Giue her of the

[gap]uit of her hands, it is implied alſo that he rewardeth her.

This is an vndoubted euidence of his good acceptance of [gap]er duty, and a further incouragement to ſtir her vp to goe on and continue in well doing. Yea this is alſo an euidence of his by and delight both in her perſon, and alſo in her well doing. [gap] there be no delight in ones perſon, well doing will rather

ſtir vp enuy then ioy: and they that enuy a mans well doing, will neuer commend, or reward him for it.

In an husbands commending of his wife this caueat muſt be put: that he ſo order his commendation as it ſauour not of flattery, or dotage: nor yet ſtir vp luſt or enuy in others.